Return to Me
by Fallen Crest
Summary: Drachma has invaded Amestris just a few months after the Promised Day. Edward, a young Colonel, must leave his still weak brother and Winry to be the hero once more to save his country. Now he must learn the ways of war and see more horrors than ever.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This takes place after the Promised Day. Ed still has his automail arm. He used his father's philosopher stone body to get Al his body back. Ed didn't get his body back because there wasn't much left of the stone that was in Hohenheim's body and he didn't want to be the one to use the rest of his father's life.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Return to Me

Chapter 1

_"Did you hear?"_

_"Fuhrer Grumman is going to retire after only a few months of being Fuhrer." _

_"I heard that General Mustang or General Armstrong is going take over as Fuhrer." _

_"Roy Mustang?"_

_"He's a great leader. He really cares for all those below him." _

Just four months after General Grumman became Fuhrer he retired and declared General Roy Mustang as the new Fuhrer. General Armstrong told Grumman that she didn't want the position and would be loyal to Mustang as the Fuhrer. She didn't want to leave Briggs again. Drachma soldiers were becoming more aggressive. They wanted passed Briggs and in Amestris now. Armstrong couldn't leave Briggs now.

Grumman admitted that he only took the position as Fuhrer because he wanted to let everything calm down and begin to fix the country before letting someone younger take over. He wanted to make it easier for the new Fuhrer to begin to change this country. As the new Fuhrer, Mustang had a lot of work to do. Grumman had started to repair the county after the Promised Day but didn't finish as he retired so now the job goes to Mustang to finish fixing the country with the help of his Generals and Captain Hawkeye. Before Grumman retired he started to try to make peace treaties with Aerugo and Creta to end the wars that Bradley intentionally started with them. Negotiations were taking a while though.

But there wasn't time to fix the country completely.

Drachma, the country to the north of Amestris, had invaded Amestris just seven months after the Promised Day. The state wasn't at full power yet from the Promised Day. Father and the Homunculi had really messed up the state. The Drachma soldiers managed to destroy Briggs wall. They attacked in the middle of the night and weren't seen setting up the attack with their black uniforms. The Brigg soldiers reacted to the explosions immediately, but were driven back by the forces. They managed to hold the Drachma soldiers back and contact Central Headquarters to warn them of the invasion. Fuhrer Mustang reacted instantly, declaring war and sending troops up north to assist the Briggs soldiers. The soldiers were spread out along the northern area of Amestris waiting for attacks. General Armstrong and her Brigg soldiers were escorted to North City by some enlisted troops when Central troops arrived to take their place in holding off the Drachma soldiers so they could recover from the attack.

*Return to Me*

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

A young man of about seventeen grinned at his family. Despite being so young he was quite stunning. His gold-blond hair was recently cut short with his bangs still long and framing his face. He had a muscular build from all his training. All the baby fat was gone from his face. His face was more pronounced with sharp cheekbones. Above his right eye was a scar from his many fights. It formed as a scar since it was cut open so many times. And his gold eyes were sharp and showed so much wisdom and pain for one so young, but they still had a kind feeling in them. But because of everything he's been through in the five years he's grown stronger mentally and physically.

"Thanks guys." Edward replied with a smile.

Winry smiled as she finished lighting the candles on Edward's cake. "It's no problem, Ed. Now make a wish."

Edward rolled his eyes. He didn't believe in such superstitions, but decided to humor Winry and Al. His eyes shut gently and he leaned forward towards the cake, thinking of a wish to make. Winry, Al, and Granny Pinako flashed behind his closed eyes followed by the pictures of blood, guns, and falling bodies. _I wish my family will be safe through this war. _He blew all his candles out in one go and sat back to open his eyes, to find his brother directly in his face.

Al's gold-blond hair was cut short with his bangs going to the left. He still looked weak from being a soul trapped to a suit of armor. He was getting stronger each day, though Winry still said he was too bony. His cheeks were still a bit sunken in from not being nourished for five years. Only gentleness and love could be seen in his big gold eyes. Unlike his brother, Al had a childish feature still in his face, which was rounder than his brother's, and attitude.

With his brother so close to him Edward could clearly see the bony checks of Al's face. "You need to fatten up, Al." Edward said.

"I'm trying brother. It's going to take more food." Al replied.

"And lots of rest." Winry added as she cut the cake.

Al groaned. "I don't want to rest. I need to train. All that time in the Gate has made my body weak."

A wrench appeared like magic in Winry's hand. "Oh, no you won't. You are just as bad as your brother. If you don't rest then you will make your body worse."

Ring!

The sound of the phone ringing saved Al from Winry.

Ring!

Al got out of the room as fast as he could to answer the phone, anything to be away from the scary wrench.

Winry's wrench disappeared into her pocket. She looked at Edward with a gentle smile. Her long blonde hair flowed freely down to her shoulders with her bangs flowing from right to left across her forehead. Her bright crystal blue eyes sparkled with happiness. Over the years her body has grown into a slender, healthy curvaceous build. Hoop earrings were on her ears with two cuff studs worn vertically on her right ear. "Ed, I-"

"Brother, the phone is for you!" Al's voice rang through the house.

A confused Edward came out of the kitchen. "Thanks Al." Edward grabbed the phone out of his brother's hand.

"Did I interrupt something in there?" Al asked, motioning to the kitchen.

Edward glanced at the kitchen entrance and shrugged. "I don't know." Edward put the phone to his ear and said hello.

Al shifted on his feet nervously as his brother listened. It was Fuhrer Mustang on the phone. He didn't understand why he would be calling his brother. His brother gave up the military life after the Promised Day.

"Y-yes. I understand, Mustang." Ed glanced at his brother sadly. "I'll be there soon."

The younger brother looked at his older brother in shock and worry. Golden eyes shined with hesitance as he looked at his brother. "Brother, are you still in the military?" He asked slowly.

Edward looked away from his brother. "I've been on leave for the past few months."

"Brother!" Al cried, grabbing Edward's arm. "You said you quit the military. You said you were only there until I got my body back."

"I meant to quit but I forgot. By the time I realized that I still had my watch we were already here." Edward shrugged, resting a hand on his brother's shoulder. Al was about four inches taller than him which irked him to no end.

"No, you didn't!" Al cried, hitting his brother's chest. "You didn't quit on purpose."

"I don't know what you….."

"Don't lie to me." Al said angrily. "You get some sort of satisfaction out of being in the military now. You enjoy helping people and…..and…"

Sighing, Edward pulled his brother into a hug. "You're right. Being in the military is just natural to me now that I've been in it for four years. I don't know anything else now. I don't know what to do now that you've got your body back. For four years we searched for a way to get your body back. We were being selfish, just searching for us. I want to help others now. I want to help fix this country. Those corrupt bastards in the military were trying to make an immortal army by using the souls of humans to power them. I….I want…"

"Don't brother. I understand. You want to stay in the military to make sure nothing like the Promised Day happens again." Al said.

"Yes."

"Please don't Ed." Winry said, tears filling up in her eyes, as she came out of the kitchen. "Why do you always have to be the hero? Can't you just be content staying with me here in Resembool or maybe Rush Valley, I'm thinking about moving there. It's better for business. Come with me, Ed, please. Let someone else be the hero this time."

No matter how hard he tried Edward couldn't get over how much he hated to see girls cry, especially when it was his girlfriend. "Winry."

"Please Ed. I don't want to lose you again." Winry pleaded, grabbing Edward's hands, one flesh and one cold metal, in her hands.

Edward looked at her sadly. "I've been called back to Central by Mustang. He says it's time to decide whether to resign or stay in the military and go to war."

"NO!" Al and Winry shouted. Neither could bear the thought of Edward going to war. It was dangerous and he could get killed out there. They didn't want to lose him, not now, not now that everything is alright for them again.

"Please brother, don't go. I don't want you to. Haven't we had enough of the military? I can't stand it anymore, what with all the threats and missions." Al said pleadingly.

"Ed, resign please. I don't want to lose you. I love you. Please don't even consider this." Winry pleaded at the same that Al spoke.

"Enough you two. It is Ed's choice of what he does." Pinako said, speaking up for the first time.

"But Granny…."

Pinako shook her head. "It's for Ed to decide. You are all becoming adults. It's time you made decisions for yourself."

"Brother…"

Edward shook his head. "Winry, I love you too, more than anything." He kissed her gently on the cheek before turning to his brother. "Al, I love you. You were my life. But you are fifteen and I'm seventeen. I'm still your guardin. I want you to stay here, kay? You and Winry can come with me to Central, but after I'm done there, you are coming back here. If I do choose to stay in the military, you aren't coming with me. You aren't strong enough, and if you were, I wouldn't let you come anyway. I'm not letting your get hurt again. Winry, I'll take you back to Rush Valley to continue your work there when I'm done in Central. As for me, I don't know what I'm going to do yet. Is it a plan?"

Winry nodded her head, hugging Edward around the neck. Al slid down to the floor and stared at his feet. He didn't want to be separated from his brother so soon after he got his body back. It wasn't fair. Couldn't they just live peacefully like they were supposed to?

A/N: Please Review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Thanks for the reviews!

Return to Me

Chapter 2

Edward stood stoically in front of Mustang's desk, hands clasped behind his back. His outfit consisted of black slacks, a white buttoned up shirt, a black vest that was left opened and black dress shoes. A silver chain was clasped to a hoop on his pants and disappeared into his pocket. Gold eyes stared determinedly into Mustang's dark intimidating eyes.

Mustang looked over his shoulder at his secretary, Riza Hawkeye. She looked at him with a frown. She personally thought what Mustang wanted Edward to do was horrible. He was only seventeen. He was too young for this. But the Fuhrer wasn't taking her opinion on this matter. Edward knew what he was signing up for when he was twelve and he stayed in the military after getting Al his body back. And he still stayed signed up as a state alchemist even after the war with Drachma started, knowing that he could be called out to duty. He was prepared for this.

"If you're sure you want to go….."

"Sir, if I may?" Riza interrupted.

Edward and Mustang looked at her shocked. She had never dared interrupt the Fuhrer before, even when he was just a Colonel.

"Yes Captain?" Mustang asked with slight annoyance about being interrupted.

Riza turned to Edward. "Are you sure about this? What about your brother and Winry?"

Edward sighed and shoved his hands into his pocket. His metal hand grasped his watch and squeezed it. "They are obviously upset about my decision, afraid that I will die, I guess. But I want to help in any way I can. This is what I want. It's my job to protect the people of my country."

Mustang looked back at Hawkeye. "You've got your answer, Captain. Now it is time." He stood up and grabbed a file off his desk and opened it. "Under the authority of Fuhrer Grumman, Major Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, is hereby promoted to Colonel Elric for his contributions in sticking to the code of the state alchemist, be thou for the people, and for saving this country."

Edward blinked up at his boss in shock, jaw slightly slacked. "Colonel?"

"Yes, you were promoted a year ago but left before it could be made official." Mustang explained, dropping the file back on the desk and folded his hands in front of him with his elbows propped on the desk as he sat back down.

"Thank you." Edward said, mostly out of respect. He has never really cared about rank or gaining power.

Mustang shrugged. "You just keep breaking records. First, youngest state alchemist ever, now youngest Colonel." He leaned back in his seat and looked at Edward intently. "Now about Drachma. You say you want to go. But are you ready to leave right away?"

Edward bowed his head to look away from Mustang. He wasn't so sure anymore if this was the right decision for him. "I need a gun, but I need some basic training with it."

"Captain Hawkeye will give you a quick lesson in it." Mustang replied, nodding his head slightly in her direction. "Listen, Fullmetal, I'm not ready to send you to war. There a few things we need to do first. You need a uniform, I need to find you a unit, and you have to settle your affairs."

Edward blinked. Affairs? What affairs? "Affairs?"

"I'm no idiot, Fullmetal. You have to talk to your brother and Winry. They don't know that this was your decision, do they?" Mustang accused.

Edward looked away from him with a scowl. He hated how easily Mustang could read him.

"Talk to them. We'll get your measurements for your uniforms then you can leave. You leave for war in about a month or two."

"Yes sir."

*Return to Me*

"You're going to war?" Winry asked shocked, dropping down onto the couch.

Edward didn't look at her. He couldn't look at her. He was afraid to see her crying again. "I'm sorry, Winry. But I want to help my country. I love you. I want to protect you." He looked at his baby brother. "Both of you. You two mean the world to me. I have so many people to protect like Gracia, Elysia, Paninya, and Granny Pinako. I won't let the enemy harm any of you."

"Why does it always have to be you?" Winry whispered.

"I'm sorry, Winry." Edward dropped to his knees in front of him. He took her hand gently in his automail hand and kissed it. "I love you, Winry. Please don't hate me for this."

Winry shook her head. "You idiot, I could never hate you, Ed. I just don't want to see you leave again."

"I'll take you to Rush Valley like I promised." Edward whispered.

Winry shook her head. "No, I'm staying here in Central until you leave then I'll take Al back to Resembool then go to Rush Valley." Al looked at her irritated, but knew she meant well. Edward and her refused to let him travel alone until he was back to full strength. "You aren't getting rid of either of us until you leave. I'm going to spend all the time we have left together with you two."

Al dropped next to his brother. "I'm with her. We're not leaving brother."

Edward wrapped his arm around Al's neck and ruffled his hair. "Fine, but I have some training to do with a gun." He felt Al wince. Neither of them liked guns which is why Edward never bothered to learn how to use it before.

The next few weeks went by quickly. Edward spent a week and half getting lessons from Riza in how to use all types of guns. She drilled him hard. She didn't let him stop until his aim was so perfect that he could draw his gun from his holster and fire a kill shot without stopping to think. The rest of his time was spent with his baby brother and Winry. They went to the park, visited Elysia and Gracia, went out to eat, and went shopping to get Winry new tools. They spent every moment that they could together. Edward had to go to Central Command once and a while to do some paperwork. Being a Colonel meant he had all the paperwork that Mustang did as a Colonel. It was pure torture, but Mustang didn't make him do it all, just some. He wanted Edward to spend more time with Al and Winry.

Two soldiers walked quickly down the hallway side by side, faces carefully cleared of any emotion. Neither spoke as they walked down the hall. When they reached their destination the blond haired one knocked on the door, waiting for the commanding voice to allow entrance.

"Lieutenant Breda, Lieutenant Havoc." Mustang greeted when the two came in and saluted. "Glad to see you back on your feet and out of rehabilitation, Lieutenant Havoc."

"I'm glad to be back, sir. To be honest, bed rest was getting really boring. The only good thing about it was that I didn't have to come here and see your face every day." Havoc replied cheekily.

Mustang smirked. "It was great with you gone. It meant less competition for me to get the women." He paused. "Oh wait, You are no competition at all so the competition didn't change at all."

Havoc made an insulted sound.

"On to business." Mustang said, tone snapping back to his commanding voice.

"Course." Havoc replied respectfully. "I hear that you have got yourself a new Colonel."

Mustang smirked. "Both of you have been promoted to first lieutenants and are heading off to war."

"You want us to watch over your new Colonel." Breda guessed with a smirk.

Mustang nodded his head. "Yes, he has never had training. I want you two to show him the ropes of being a Commanding Officer and help him learn how to handle war. Watch over him." His eyes narrowed and he stood up to look at them straight in the eyes seriously. "If anything happens to him, it will be on your heads."

"Yes sir!" Breda and Havoc said, feeling as though they should be scared. Mustang really worried too much for his new Colonel.

"Captain Hawkeye already taught him how to use guns. It's the earning respect and learning strategy he needs." Mustang said, sitting back down but still looking at the new First Lieutenants with an unsaid threat. "He may be a Colonel, but he's young. They won't respect him right away."

"That's understandable, sir. I didn't respect the kid either when he first joined at twelve. They need to see what he can do first." Havoc admitted.

"Understandable. I don't think many were fond of him until they learned of what he did." Mustang replied, looking at the stoic Hawkeye for a moment. He knew she was still disapproving of his choice. He looked back at Havoc and Breda. "Just keep an eye on him. He doesn't fully understand what he's gotten himself into."

Havoc smiled sadly. "No one does until they go to war."

"Sir, I don't mean to question your judgment, but is it wise to let the Colonel have two First Lieutenants? No superior has ever had two First Lieutenants. Won't others see this as favoritism or something along those lines?" Breda asked worriedly.

"Fullmetal is not my pet." Mustang growled. "I don't favorite him. He is just young and needs all the help he can get. Anyone who doesn't like that will just have to deal with it. You two are there to be guides to him. Help him. Make sure he isn't being taken advantage of by soldiers because of his inexperience. He is reckless. I want people I trust to be there to watch over him."

"Understood sir." Breda replied.

Edward fingered the military tags around his neck. The first tag was black with the name Fullmetal engraved on it in red with a red Flamel on the back. The second tag was steel blue with Colonel Edward Elric engraved on it. The tags were a gift from Havoc two years ago. He took them to an engraver to change his tags from Major to Colonel. He never really wore them, but now that he was going to war, he wore them to show he was now officially a soldier. Before he never really considered himself a soldier. He was just in the military to get Al his body back. Mustang never made him act like a real soldier, but now he would.

"Brother, are you really leaving?" Al asked quietly.

Edward looked up from his tags. His brother was standing in the doorway of his room, looking sad. "It's already been decided, Al. It's too late to do anything about it now." Standing up from the bed, Edward clapped his brother on the shoulder with a smile. "I'll come back, Al. I always do."

"Promise?" Al asked. It was childishly, but he never really grew up. He was only fifteen and still a kid. His brother was the one who really had to grow up. Al still felt like a child at times. It was strange, but he didn't bother to question it.

Air caught in Edward's throat. He turned away from his brother. "It's war, Al. I don't think I can promise that."

Al sat on his brother's bed with a heavy heart. "That's not what I wanted to hear."

"Sorry Al. I just want you to know the truth." Edward replied, grabbing his new uniform out of the closet. "I don't want to break any promises to you."

"Before you get changed Winry wants to check your automail." Al said. Edward nodded his head and dropped his uniform on his bed. "Do you have northern automail already?"

"Yeah, Winry and I decided that I would keep wearing it instead of the normal automail so I don't have that strain on my body anymore." Edward explained.

The young state alchemist pulled on his blue military jacket, glancing at his brother and Winry who were watching him, sadness shining in both of their eyes. Smiling reassuring at them, Edward buttoned his jacket then grabbed his gun and gun holster. After checking that his gun was prepared correctly and that it was loaded, he put it in his holster. "We have to go now. I have to buy your tickets before I have to leave."

Winry and Al tried to object, but Edward wasn't hearing any of it. He grabbed a long black coat with fur around the hood of it that went down to just above his ankles that was to be used up north in the cold and was out the door before Winry and Al could come up with a good excuse not to accept his money.

As they walked towards the train station the three teenagers noticed others in military uniforms walking towards the train station with friends and family or in front of houses or hotels saying good-bye there. Women and little kids were crying. Little kids were hugging their families tightly, not wanting them to leave. Teenagers stood around watching the soldiers walking towards the train station, whether they knew them or not. They understood what was happening up north. It was a sign of respect to watch them leave, to watch the men that were protecting them going to war.

Al hugged his brother tightly. "You better come back alive."

Edward pulled away from his brother and looked at him seriously. "If I do die in this war, promise me that you will not do anything foolish. We learned the first time that it won't work. Promise me you won't do anything stupid."

"I know brother. I learned from the first time." Al replied.

Hands gripped Al's shoulders tightly. "Live for me if I do die. Live."

Al mutely nodded his head. He knew he couldn't say anything to that. Talking about his brother's death was hurting him. He didn't like it. Once Edward was sure Al would be okay, he turned to Winry. Money landed in Winry's opened hand. "For your ticket to Rush Valley after you drop Al off."

Winry gave Edward a small, sad smile. "Thanks Ed." Tears began to fill up in her eyes as she launched herself at Edward, money clanging against the floor loudly, causing some people to look at them, but they looked away when they saw the military uniform and the girl hugging him. It was a private moment. Her arms wrapped around his neck tightly and she buried her face in his shoulder. The young Colonel's arms wrapped around her waist. He buried his face in her hair, smelling her hair which smelled like coconut.

Edward pulled back and stared into Winry's eyes. He rested a hand on her cheek, caressing it gently. "I love you." He whispered in her ear.

Winry stared him in the eyes. She twirled her silver heart locket in her fingers. "Edward, this locket was my mother's. It's very valuable to me." She unhooked her necklace and turned over Edward's hand. The necklace was dropped from Winry's hand, glittering in the sun and landing in Edward's hand. It bounced once when it hit his flesh hand. "Return to me?"

"As long as I always know you are waiting here for me, I will return." Edward replied, staring lovingly and hopefully into her eyes. Without taking his eyes off her, Edward wrapped the chain around his neck and locked it. He pushed the locket under his military jacket and shirt.

Winry's hands cupped Edward's face. She leaned forward and planted a kiss on his soft, moist lips. Their lips melted perfectly together. Edward's tongue licked her lips, asking for entrance.

They broke apart after a few minutes, both slightly out of breath. Edward brushed Winry's hair out of her face and gave her one more kiss, murmuring passionately, "I love you." He turned back to his blushing brother.

"You're much too innocent, Al." Edward teased.

Scowling at his brother, Al shoved the money Winry dropped in her hands.

"You need a girlfriend, Al." Edward said teasingly, ruffling his hair.

Al smiled at his brother. Before he could say anything though, a train whistle blew. Edward quickly hugged his brother, then Winry before running to his train, turning around half way to wave at them with a reassuring grin.

A/N: Please Review!

This isn't a romance story. I can't write romance. So I'm not sure how well I did with that scene at the train stations.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Return to Me

Chapter 3

"I see that you are getting some action." A teasing voice said.

Edward whipped around in surprise to see Lieutenant Havoc and Lieutenant Breda sitting in a booth on opposite sides. A small blush crept into his cheeks. He hadn't thought about anyone he knew being here. "What are you two doing here?"

Havoc raised a brow. "He never told you? We are here on Fuhrer Mustang's orders to be your First Lieutenants and to teach you the ropes of being a commanding officer."

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked slowly as his skin began to drop several shades.

Havoc and Breda shared an amused, but exasperated look. So naive. They had a lot of work and so little time to do it in. "He said he told you that he had to find you a unit." Breda said.

"I thought he meant to put me in." Edward said quietly. As he looked around the car they were in he saw that it was all officers. No civilians. Now wasn't the time for them to hear about this little problem.

"No. You're a Colonel, sir, which means you're a Commanding Officer. We are here to help you learn the ropes of being a commander and watch over you." Havoc replied just as quietly. He motioned to Edward to sit down. "First things first, you need to learn about the units and strategy. Breda is better with strategy so he'll teach you that. You need to know it to make a good impression on the higher ups there."

"Okay, a Commanding Officer gets ten squads of twelve soldiers. Each squad has a Warrant Officer as the leader of the squad. They all report back to you. You are responsible for all their lives. They are at an encampment three miles from North City waiting for us. Their last Commanding Officer was killed in battle." Havoc explained.

Edward stared at him in shock. "That is a hundred and thirty soldiers, Havoc."

"Lieutenant Havoc. You have to call us by rank on duty." Breda corrected. "And it is a hundred and thirty-two soldiers when you count us."

Edward groaned. "But it is still a hundred and thirty-two soldiers. I can't do this. I should have never accepted this."

"Colonel, you need to relax. The Fuhrer was going to cut your troops in half since this is your first time being a Commanding Officer." Havoc said.

"Then why didn't he?" Edward snapped.

Havoc frowned at the attitude, but didn't comment. "Because he has faith in your abilities to handle this and you have Lieutenant Breda and me here to help you. We only have about a day and a half train ride to North City."

Sighing, Edward leaned back in his seat with crossed arms. "Continue with the lessons. I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of….my troops."

"That's the spirit!" Havoc grinned. "So, you know how the troop is set up and that you have to call everyone by their military titles. That is important, Colonel Elric."

Edward nodded his head.

"You're young, sir." Breda said.

Raising a brow, Edward turned to him. "So?"

"They are not going to accept your command so easily." Havoc explained carefully, taking a drag of his cigarette. "You have to earn their respect. You are only seventeen and already a higher rank then them. They won't be happy about that and will take it like it is a joke. You have to act in control. That means no blowing up at anyone. You have to stay calm and level headed. Blowing up out of anger will just make it easier for them to take this as a joke."

"I'm their superior though." Edward said confused.

"You're confusing respect with power." Havoc shook his head. "They'll listen to you because you are their superior, but they won't like it. No one should be able to move up the ranks as quick as you. You're going to get crap from the other soldiers for it. They'll think you bribed someone to get where you are now."

"I didn't ask for this." Edward muttered.

Havoc shrugged. "Well you have it. Now you have to deal with it." He stood up and looked around the car. This wasn't the place for the lessons. It would look bad if a Colonel was getting lessons for the military. "Come on, sir. We should take this somewhere else."

Looking around the empty car, Edward raised a brow. His arms crossed in front of his chest showed how annoyed he was. "An empty car? Why are we here?"

"To teach you." Breda said. "You have to learn to march. We march for hours. I hope you have the stamina for it."

Hands landed on Edward's shoulders, making him jump in surprise. He was so focused on Breda that he forgot about Havoc. "And to teach you to hide your emotions. You have to act like you're always in control like Fuhrer Mustang did with you all these years." Havoc explained.

"Can you not sneak up on me from behind?"

"First lesson, be prepared for anything and show no fear to other soldiers." Havoc's voice rang out like a Commanding Officer's. "That means always have your guard up. Also keep your gun on you at all times along with a hidden knife."

"What do I need a knife for? I can just trans-" Edward started.

Havoc walked around Edward and stopped in front of him. "You can transmute fast, Ed. There is no denying that." He frowned in all seriousness. "But it's not fast enough for a battle. The enemy won't give you time to clap your hands. The enemy will keep firing at you."

A silver switch blade was held in front of Edward. After a quick look at his Lieutenants, Edward took the switch blade and stored it in his boot. Havoc nodded approvingly at him. "Enemies very rarely check our boots for weapons if they capture us."

"Second lesson, do not think!" Breda snapped like it was an order.

"But don't I need to think?" Edward asked confused. "I need to come up with plans and my orders, don't I?"

Havoc nodded his head. "Yes, you do. But what he is saying is when we are fighting you don't pause to think about who you are firing at. If you pause, you die. Do not think when firing. Just fire and fire and fire if you want to live. Since you are a commander though you have to fire without thinking while coming up with plans of attack."

Edward rubbed his eyes tiredly. Being a commander was harder than he ever thought.

"Boss, your emotions are the next problem. We can always tell what you are feeling. We can't teach you how to stop them, but we can teach you to hide them." Breda stepped forward and uncrossed Edward's arms. "Don't cross them. That's a sure sign that you are annoyed. Keep them at your sides. Also stand up straight. The way you are standing makes you look like a teenager, not a Commanding Officer. Always stand straight, arms at sides, and head held high. You have to at least appear that you're confident and know what you are doing. If you appear confident your troops will follow you willingly."

Licking his lips nervously, Edward straightened his posture.

"Next is your voice. When someone is unsure of something they speak slowly, stutter, or talk like they are asking a question. A Commanding Officer can't do. You have to sound confident. Put that commanding tone in your voice. Act like a pompous bastard if you have to." Havoc barked in a commanding tone to help Edward get an idea of how to sound.

Edward's eyes narrowed. He thought back to how Mustang did it. "Soldiers, front and center!" He barked.

Havoc's and Breda's feet snapped together and their right hands snapped into salutes. They knew Edward was practicing.

Edward paced in front of his Lieutenants, eyeing them both up and down. "Have you ever heard of a shower, Lieutenant Breda? You smell like a wet dog." The Colonel smirked as Breda glared at him for the dog comment. He chose that phrase because he knew Breda was scared of dogs. "Lieutenant Havoc, you call that uniform neat? Drop and give me twenty now!"

Havoc stared at him. "Seriously? This is just practice."

"Are you questioning my authority, Lieutenant?" Edward asked.

"No sir." Havoc replied immediately.

"Then give me twenty."

Havoc dropped to the ground and started doing push-ups while Breda laughed. Edward's eyes snapped to him. "Do you find something funny, Lieutenant?"

"No sir." Breda replied.

Once Havoc finished his push-ups Edward led his Lieutenants back to their car. He dropped heavily onto his seat while his lieutenants sat together on the opposite bench.

"That was good, Colonel. I guess watching the Fuhrer for years really helped you." Breda replied.

Edward nodded his head at him but looked at Havoc. "How are your legs?"

"Don't worry about me, Colonel. My legs are strong after all that rehabilitation. I can handle anything you throw at me." Havoc said confidentially.

Nodding his head, Edward turned away from his Lieutenants to look outside. He noticed that the sun was already going down. More time passed than he realized. Those lessons with Havoc and Breda took longer than he thought.

His own troop though. What the hell was Mustang thinking signing him as the Commanding Officer to a full troop? A seventeen year old with no training as a real military soldier can't be a Commander. He needs training for this. Why did Mustang have to throw him into this in the middle of a war?

Those soldiers in his troop were all lower ranks than him. Most, if not all, of them were just regular soldiers. It was up to him to call the orders and come up with plans of attack or defense. He was responsible for their lives. He couldn't do this! It has only ever been Al he was responsible for. A hundred and thirty-two men was too much for him. He will get them all killed! And it would all be his fault.

None of those soldiers will obey the orders of a seventeen year old. They'll think he is too young and inexperienced for this. And they are right. He's watched Mustang for years but watching and doing are two different things. All soldiers go to a Military Academy to learn stuff like this. He never went to one so he didn't have any of the training required of a soldier. Seriously, why would Mustang do this to him?

"Colonel."

Edward looked back at Havoc. For the first time since he starting thinking about Mustang being crazy he noticed that he was shaking badly. His heart was beating ferociously against his ribcage. Why the hell didn't he listen to Al and Winry? Why did he feel that he had to come to war and help? He didn't owe this country anything. He already saved it once. Winry was right. He didn't always have to be the hero. A break was what he needed.

"Are you okay?" Havoc asked concerned.

"I'm not cut out for this." Damn! Even his voice was shaking!

Havoc laughed. "Colonel, you've beaten Homunculi. You saved this country. You're a master of martial arts and alchemy. Hell, you're a genius. If you're not cut out for this then none of us are. It's just nerves, sir. You're smart and strong. You'll learn fast."

"I didn't even think it was possible for the great Fullmetal to be scared." Breda mocked.

Glaring, Edward crossed his arms.

"Uncross them." Breda snapped.

Scowling, Edward uncrossed his arms and fidgeted around. He had no idea of what to do with his arms now.

"You can cross your arms once you get used to controlling you emotions. It's just that you were mad so you crossed your arms. You need to stop crossing them whenever you get mad." Breda explained.

"I know it will be hard, Colonel." Havoc said, staring Edward in the eyes. "Being a Commander is always hard at first, especially when you haven't had the proper military training, but Breda and I will be here to guide you along at the beginning. We can only help you so much though. You'll have to take over and do it on your own eventually. We'll still be part of your troop. It's just that we can't always help you. Part of learning is doing stuff on your own and figuring out how to do it."

Edward nodded his head.

"Try not to think too much about it right now. Just try to get some rest. We probably won't get a lot of time to rest when we get there." Breda suggested.

Agreeing, Edward laid down on the bench with his hands folded under his head. He tilted his head back to look out the part of the window he could see while he was lying down. The sun was almost completely down.

A/N: Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long, but I've been busy. Also, my updates might start taking longer like this one. These last few weeks have been busy. But now my updates might take longer because I got a summer job.

Thanks for the reviews!

Return to Me

Chapter 4

"Okay, Colonel, you look presentable." Havoc said, stepping back from his commander to get a better look of him. His uniform was straight and clean with all his strips and stars in their proper places. His hair was combed neatly. "Remember to stand straight and don't drop your head. As soon as you enter the room and reach him, you salute. Don't forget to salute. It can be one of the worst things you can do. His name is Major General Myers. Address him as such."

Edward nodded his head and tugged at his collar. Havoc slapped his hand away and told him to stop messing with his uniform.

"Colonel, you better get going if you want to meet the Major General on time." Breda told him.

Nodding his head, Edward climbed off the now empty train with his lieutenants following him.

"Havoc, won't soldiers be suspicious as to why Colonel Elric has two lieutenants?" Breda whispered.

Havoc shrugged. "Probably, but they can't do anything about it. These are orders from the Fuhrer himself." He looked at Edward's back. As Colonel and their superior he was supposed to lead them so they had to follow behind him. "Hey Colonel, do you mind if I smoke one?"

Edward looked over his shoulder. "Just one and I want it out before we enter North Central Headquarters."

"Thanks." Havoc pulled his lighter and pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. "Want one, Lieutenant?"

Shrugging, Breda took one from him and lit it with his own lighter. Almost all soldiers smoked and drank. Most didn't smoke as much as Havoc though. Smoking and drinking was just a way for them to calm their nerves during war.

As he looked at his Colonel, Havoc noticed that he was beginning to slouch. Havoc blew smoke out of his mouth before saying, "Colonel, stand up straight."

Edward stood up straight and frowned. "I don't understand how you guys can stand standing like that all the time."

"Years of practice." Breda replied around his cigarette.

Edward looked around the city. He noticed wounded soldiers and military equipment being moved through the city. Some of the soldiers were so bad that they were being carried on stretchers. The soldiers were covered in mud and blood. Their eyes showed that they've gone through hell. "Besides the wounded soldiers, it doesn't seem like there is a war going on around here."

"It's not in this city yet. But be quiet for a moment and listen." Breda advised.

Colonel Elric quieted down for a moment. He strained his ears to hear the sounds of battle in the distant.

"You hear the sounds of battle?" Havoc asked.

Edward nodded his head.

"It'll be worse and much louder when we are there." Havoc explained.

Fear and panic. It could be felt all over. The citizens were wandering around carefully. They didn't know anything that was happening in the war so to them Drachma soldiers could appear in front of them right then and there. Edward didn't understand why they stayed in the city if they were so afraid of the enemy breaching the city.

Walking onto headquarters ground, Havoc and Breda put their cigarettes out on the bottom of their boots and dropped the cigarette butts on the ground outside before hurrying inside to catch up with their superior. Their shoes snapped against the tiled floor as they walked quickly to catch up to Edward who was a fast walker.

The young Colonel went up to the top floor and made it to the Major General's conference room and knocked.

"Come in."

Edward looked at Havoc and Breda who caught up finally.

"We wait out here." Havoc explained quickly, trying to get Edward in quickly. It was not good to keep a superior waiting.

Taking a calming breath, Edward turned the doorknob and stepped through. The only thing in the room was a big table with chairs around it. On the wall was a map of Amestris with red lines all over it. Obviously someone was making plans of attack against Drachma soldiers. Sitting around the table was Colonel Jackson, Brigadier General Douglas, and Brigadier General Luke. Major General Myers stood at the head of the table.

Edward walked farther into the room, stopping a feet away from the Generals. "Sir, Colonel Elric reporting." His right hand snapped to his forehead in a perfect salute. His voice was strong, or so he hoped. He didn't want the Generals to know that he was truly nervous and scared. This was his first war.

"At ease, Colonel." Myers replied, looking at Edward with narrowed, untrusting eyes. "Are you really a Colonel?"

Edward's brow twitched in irritation, but he bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn't reply the way he wanted to or he would get in trouble. "Yes sir."

The Major General had short wavy black hair combed to the left. He was a hulky man who moved around the table with heavy, even steps. His eyes were sharp and intense, slightly intimidating to Edward who had never had to deal with this man before.

"Of course. You are one of Fuhrer Mustang's loyal dogs." Myers replied.

Edward blinked. "I'm sorry sir. I don't think I understand."

Myers stopped a few steps in front of Edward. "I'm not going to be dishonest with you. Personally I don't think Fuhrer Mustang has what it takes to be a good leader. General Armstrong would have been a much better leader. She would have been a much tougher leader. The type of leader this country needs. I have never been a fan of Fuhrer Mustang like his loyal dogs. General Armstrong is strong and has successfully defended Briggs for eighteen years. If she hadn't been pulled away from Briggs last year then Drachma would have never figured out Briggs and gotten through. But for whatever reason she decided to support your _war hero_." There was clear disgust in the Major General's voice.

The young Colonel bit the inside of his cheek again. Biting his cheek was his way to keep him from saying something inappropriate to his superior. He was beginning to hate the Major General. He had no idea what Mustang and Armstrong went through to save this country from the Homunculi. Armstrong risked her post at Briggs to do undercover work for them. She thought her troops at Briggs would be able to keep Drachma out. And she was right; they just weren't ready for a surprise attack like that. "We all have our own opinions, I guess." He said as calmly as he could.

"Of course." Myers looked at Edward with distaste. "I don't know why the Fuhrer sent you out here, Colonel. We don't need kids pretending to be Colonels. But the Fuhrer has confident in your skills so I guess we'll have to see what you can do."

Edward bit down harder on the side of his cheek. He was going to scar his cheek at this rate. "I'll do whatever I can to help, sir." Out of the corner of his eye, Edward saw Colonel Jackson glare at him in malice. Probably was made that a seventeen year old became a Colonel faster than him was Edward's thought.

"See that you do." Myers moved back around the table since the map was on the other side of the table. "Your troop is four miles out of the city in an encampment waiting for their new Commanding Officer. There is a jeep waiting for you out front. Once you reach your troops you are to travel for another seven miles to reach Aquinas. Drachma has already taken two cities from us. We will not let them take any more cities from us. Your job is to push them back. We will not let them take North City."

"I understand sir." Edward said in a monotone. The Major General didn't want to hear his opinions right now. He made it clear that he didn't deem him as a real soldier. Edward would just have to prove him wrong.

"Then dismissed Colonel." Myers barked.

Edward flashed the Major General another perfect salute before expertly spinning on his heels and marching out of the conference room. As soon as the door shut behind him, Edward let out a sigh of relief.

"How was it?" Havoc asked worriedly. The kid looked ready to scream and collapse at the same time. A crash course like Havoc and Breda gave Ed wouldn't be enough to help him against a superior he didn't like. It took years for him to respect Mustang enough to not yell and argue with him about every little thing.

"We're leaving." Edward said more confident than he felt. "There is a jeep waiting for us out front."

*Return to Me*

A Sergeant sat in the driver's seat of the jeep. The young Colonel sat in the passenger's seat while his lieutenants sat in the back. He made the mistake of assuming that one of the lieutenants was the Colonel. Irritation flashed passed Edward's face when that happened, but he didn't say anything to the Sergeant. He just sat in the jeep, waiting for them to leave.

The road to the encampment was bumpy. From all the jeeps and soldiers moving around the country up here the roads have been worn out. There were holes and rocks all over the road. Edward had to hold onto the door to keep himself steady from all the bumps that they were hitting. The only good thing about the horrible road was that it was keeping him from thinking about the soldiers he was in charge of.

"How are you faring, Colonel Elric?" Havoc asked calmly with some amusement at Ed.

Edward's grip on the door tightened. "How can you be so calm?"

"You get used to traveling on these kinds of roads after a while. I'm surprised you didn't travel on these types of roads on your travels." Havoc replied.

"I was a kid then. I wasn't licensed to drive then." Edward snapped over his shoulder. "And I didn't waste my money on paying people to drive me around. Al and I did just fine with walking everywhere. It kept us from getting fat."

Havoc smirked. "That's good because we're walking as soon as we get to the encampment. Better enjoy the ride why you can."

The grip Edward had on his door tightened as the jeep hit a big rock. "Slow down, Sergeant."

"Calm down, sir. He knows what he is doing." Breda replied, leaning over the front seat. "Don't slow down, Sergeant. He needs to get used to this."

"Yes sir." The Sergeant said, picking up his speed again.

"With how reckless you are I would have thought you would have enjoyed going fast, Colonel." Havoc said.

Edward turned around in his seat to glare at him, letting go of his grip on the door. His hands moved to hold onto the seat. "Moving fast on a good road, fine. But this road is full of holes and rocks. It's dangerous to be moving fast on these types of roads." He let out a shocked sound as the jeep jerked into the air about a foot on his side of the care.

"For an inexperienced driver, yeah it is. But soldiers are trained to be able to drive on these types of roads. They can't be flimsy when it comes to driving through bad conditions. We don't have time to be moving slow." Havoc explained, watching amused as Edward's body bounced from the jerking ride. "Even if you did walk or use trains to get from place to place what about when you were with the team? Surely you've been in a car with Captain Hawkeye driving."

"Again, it was always on a good road and if the road was bad she would take it easy with me in the car." Edward replied. His nails dug into the seat as the jeep hit another bump.

Havoc raised a brow and shared a look with Breda. "Really?"

Edward nodded his head.

"Who would have thought Captain Hawkeye would have a soft spot for you?" Breda chuckled.

Scowling, Edward drop back down to face the front once more.

The Sergeant added a little more gas to the jeep. He wanted to get away from these three. They weren't behaving at all like proper soldiers and he didn't want to get involved in it.

*Return to Me*

Edward watched the Sergeant drive away once he dropped the three soldiers off. The Sergeant left them just a few yards from the camp. He nervously fiddled with his coat as he looked around the encampment. Tents were everywhere with soldiers sitting around fires to keep warm in the snow, chatting with each other. Havoc grabbed Edward's hand and lowered it. "Don't. That is a move that everyone knows that means someone is nervous."

"I can't do this." Edward said quietly.

"It's way too late, sir." Breda replied, looking around the camp. "You have to meet the ten Warrant Officers before we can do anything."

Nodding his head, Edward entered the encampment with his lieutenants flanking him on either side, acting like guards to him. In hindsight, they were probably guards to him. Mustang probably asked them to watch over him and make sure he didn't die. Soldiers turned to look at them as they came. He saw many frown or sneer at him out of the corner of his eye when he passed. That was to be expected from what Havoc and Breda told him. They didn't want to be ordered around by a soldier much younger than them, not to mention inexperienced.

"Where am I going?" Edward asked out of the corner of his mouth.

"You're going in the right direction. The biggest tent." Havoc whispered in his ear.

"Colonel Elric, sir!"

Edward's body twitched as he forced himself to remain calm and to not snap at the Warrant Officers. Really, he should be used to it by now. Everyone always skipped over him when they were supposed to be meeting with him. But no matter how many times it happened, it always irked him. He didn't want to have to deal with this for the rest of his life.

"Speaking to the wrong person." Havoc said as he and Breda pointed down at the Colonel.

"Him? He's the Colonel?" One of the Warrant Officers asked shocked. Standing at six feet tall, he had very short light brown hair and dark blue eyes.

Havoc nodded his head.

"Sorry sir!"

"Forget it, Lieutenants. Just tell me your status." Edward snapped.

"Sir, I am Warrant Officer Skylak. We have been at this encampment for two and a half weeks now." The light brown haired officer started, but stopped when Edward turned his attention away from him.

"Lieutenant Havoc, why didn't I get shipped out here sooner if they have been here without a commander for so long?" Edward asked irritated.

"I believe it is because Fuhrer Mustang gave you a month to prepare to leave for war and he didn't want to anger you, your brother, or your gi-mechanic by making you leave earlier than expected." Havoc replied.

Nodding his head, Edward turned back to the Warrant Officer who was talking. "Continue."

"In that time we have been resting up and restoring our supplies so we would be ready for when our _commander_ arrived." Skylak said.

Edward scowled at him. He noticed the stressed word. Skylak didn't see him as his commander and was speaking more towards Breda and Havoc than to him. Now Edward was not power hungry like Mustang or General Armstrong, but he damn well wanted the respect he deserved from lower ranking officers especially when the situation called for it.

"Some of our soldiers were killed along with our previous commander. Replacements have just joined us a week ago." Skylak finished.

"We leave first thing tomorrow morning." Edward barked at them. "We are heading to Aquinas to defend it. No more cities will be taken from us."

The young Colonel spun around and left the tent. The sound of clothes ruffling, the tent flaps being pushed around, and soft breathing told him that his lieutenants were following him. "Lieutenant Havoc, where is my tent?" Edward asked without turning around.

"I'll find out sir." Havoc sir.

When he was gone, Edward looked at Breda, but didn't say a word. He was listening more towards what the soldiers were saying.

"_Who is that kid?"_

"_Did you see the stars on his uniform? He's a Colonel."_

"_That kid is our new commanding officer?"_

"_This is war and they are sending kids out to be commanders? What is wrong with the higher ups?"_

"_That kid will probably get us killed."_

"_He'll get himself killed. This is no game."_

Breda cleared his throat. He didn't think it would be good for Edward to hear any more negative thoughts from his troop about him. It will either discourage him so he won't try as a commander or it will make him want to prove them wrong. Both were horrible. The former would get them all killed and the latter would make him try too hard and cause his troops to hate his guts.

"Yes Lieutenant Breda?" Edward asked with forced calmness.

"I need to give you more strategy lessons as soon as Lieutenant Havoc finds your tent." Breda said quietly so none of the soldiers around would hear them. That would be bad.

"Sir, I found your tent." Havoc said as he approached his Colonel.

"Lead the way." Edward grunted.

Havoc led Edward a little ways off away from the other tents. The Commander's tent was always a bit away from the others. It was to give the Commander more privacy to think and make plans, away from the noisy soldiers.

"Dismissed Lieutenant Havoc." Edward said as soon as they made it to his tent. It was bigger than the other tents. Why did commanders get more privileges like this?

"Sir." Havoc snapped him a salute before leaving to join his comrades around the fires to get to know them.

"Let's get this over with, Lieutenant Breda." Edward said resignedly.

A/N: Please Review!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Thanks for the reviews!

Return to Me

Chapter 5

A small figure kneeled at the edge of the encampment. His body was outlined by the sun that was just starting to rise. He paid no attention to the sun though. His eyes were scanning the surrounding area. A map lay on the ground in front of him. One of his fingers was on the map, tracing the path they would be taking to get to Aquinas. His other hand was shielding his eyes from the sun so he could see.

His troop would be leaving the encampment soon. There was no time to wait. Their comrades needed help. He took no notice of it the night before but he could hear the sounds of raging battle in the distance. It was much louder and more noticeably here than in North City. He was kind of surprised he missed it yesterday and slept through it.

Taking a deep breath, Edward closed his eyes as he let it out. His heart was beginning to race at the thought of the battle going on. Soon that would be him on the frontline with his troops, commanding them. Even with the crash course that Havoc and Breda gave him he didn't feel ready for this. He didn't want to get his troop killed. They had family and friends to get back to.

Edward shook his head. He couldn't think about that. He was just going to psych himself out. Sighing, Edward rubbed his right shoulder. Northern automail didn't freeze like normal automail but it still got cold and made him an icicle. The ports in him started to ache from the cold. It wouldn't affect his performance. He was used to the pain of automail. It was just lucky that it was getting close to spring so there was no snow.

The sound of footsteps brought Edward out of his thoughts. He looked over his shoulder to see his troop packing up, probably from an order from one of his first lieutenants or one of the warrant officers. Folding his map up, Edward stood up and put it in his pocket as he waited for his troop to finish.

Many distasteful glares were shot at Edward, but with his crash course training he easily ignored them. It also helped that he's been having people glare at him for years. Being as skillful and smart as him he made a lot of enemies over the years.

"Colonel Elric, we're all ready to go." Havoc said as soon as everything was packed. "Do you know how to get to Aquinas?" He added in an undertone.

"Course I do, Lieutenant." Edward snapped. "Let's go."

Havoc shrugged at Breda. They walked in pairs behind Edward. "He's defensive."

"He must hate being thought of as ignorant." Breda suggested. "At least he doesn't act like he does when he hears the word short or anything of that variation."

Edward turned his head to glare at Breda, who chuckled. The young Colonel couldn't yell at him for it since he had other soldiers with him.

*Return to Me*

The troop was led a few miles out of Aquinas by Colonel Rilen when they arrived. He was in control here so even Edward had to listen to him. Rilen informed them that they would take over the defense of the city so the other troop around here could get out and get to doctors.

Like all the other soldiers, Rilen didn't believe in Edward's abilities as a commander. He thought he was too young and weak to handle this. He spent the whole march to the encampment, which Edward's troop would stay at while defending, complaining and insulting Edward. Havoc had to keep squeezing Edward's shoulder as a way to tell him he couldn't react to anything being said about him.

As soon as they reached the encampment Rilen left with the troops that were leaving to head back to Aquinas. Edward was so happy to see him leaving. The man annoyed the hell out him. Angrily, Edward snapped at Breda to make sure everyone left him alone then went to his tent. Havoc just sighed. Edward wasn't going to get any respect from his troop that way. This was going to end up being harder than he thought.

Inside the tent Edward was pacing around, kicking angrily at his cot once and a while. Where the hell did Rilen get the right to insult him? And why did Havoc not let him retort? They were both Colonels. They had the same amount of power, damn it! He was getting sick of all the soldiers looking down at him just because of his age (and because he was still short). They didn't know anything about him!

Jingling around his neck got Edward to stop pacing. He forgot he was wearing his military tags. His fingers slipped under his shirt and jackets to grab his chain. A silver heart locket was connected to the chain he took out, not his military tags. A sad smile crossed over his lips. "Oh Winry, I forgot you gave this to me." His hand clenched around the locket. "I love you, Winry. I'll return to you. I won't make you cry again, not for me." Edward whispered, closing his eyes. "Just wait for me."

*Return to Me*

Blue light flashed around as Edward made a trench for his troop to jump into. Gunfire rained around them. Before Edward jumped into the trench he made sure all his soldiers were in. He would not leave anyone behind.

"Colonel." Havoc growled. "Get in here."

Edward jumped down into the trench once he made sure no one was left behind. "It's fine, Lieutenant."

"Stop taking risks. We don't need to lose another commander." Breda stopped.

Rolling his eyes, Edward looked over the wall of the trench as the gunfire stopped coming.

"Please don't do that." Havoc pulled Edward away from the wall.

Edward rolled his eyes and pulled his arm away.

"You are still the same reckless brat that joined the military five years ago." Havoc scowled.

"I'm trying to get a feel for the area." Edward snapped. "The only time I have been up north was to go to Briggs and if you recall, that didn't end well."

Havoc frowned in thought. "What?"

"He went off radar up here after Kimberly tried to kill him." Breda explained, checking the ammunition in his rifle. "You were paralyzed at the time so probably didn't hear too much about it."

"I remember the Fuhrer mentioning something about you disappearing at one point." Havoc replied. "He never went into it much. I think it was more of a way to convince himself that you were fine since you disappear all the time."

Shrugging, Edward clicked his gun so it was ready to be fired. "What do you all know about Drachmans?"

Warrant Officer Brody, who was five feet eleven inches tall with straight short black hair and green eyes, looked up at him from where he was sitting with the unit he was in charge of. They were trying to rest while waiting for the gunfire to start again or for Elric to give an order. "They are complete immoral bastards."

Edward looked over his shoulder at him, frowning thoughtfully. "Anyone care to elaborate?"

"They are deeply immoral and have no value for human lives. All of them are deceitful and don't play fair. From a young age the boys are trained to be soldiers. They are trained to lie, fight dirty, to kill. I've even heard that the boys killed some of their own men to get over the fear of killing. All men go to the military there. They have no other choice. If they don't behave the way they are supposed to they get killed by their own military." Havoc explained carefully to make sure he got all the facts about Drachma soldiers right. "They also don't take prisoners. If they capture you they will kill you right away."

Edward held his hand up to stop him. "I don't want to hear anymore. I think I got the feel for them now."

"What are you going to do, sir?" Havoc asked confused.

"I'm thinking. Be quiet." Edward snapped. "I need a map of the area."

Warrant Officer Brody took a map from a Sergeant and laid it on the ground for Edward to see. Edward kneeled in front of it, circling the area they were in with his finger. "Liars. Deceitful. Immoral. Like killing." He muttered under his breath. He strained his ears. "No gunfire."

"That's obvious, Colonel." Skylak snarled. "What do you suggest we do? Sit around and wait for them to start firing again so they can kill us."

Angrily, Edward slammed his automail fist in the ground, creating a hole. He was sick of getting this shit from people. "Shut up, Warrant Officer. I have no intention of dying here. I am seventeen. I have a life I want to live."

"Seventeen? You're that young." Brody said annoyed. Many of the soldiers shared angry and sour looks.

Havoc hit his face. "They didn't know your age, Colonel. They knew you were young but not that young. You shouldn't have said that."

Edward snorted. "Who really cares? Now everyone shut up."

"Who do….."

"I'm your commander and you will do as I say and shut up." Edward snapped.

Havoc frowned. "Colonel, sir….ugh…Ed, you need to calm down. Getting all worked up like this isn't going to help us."

Edward shot a glare at him. "I am calm. I just need everyone to be quiet so I can listen."

"To what?"

Ignoring him, Edward laid on the ground and put his ear on the ground. He knew he was getting strange looks, but didn't worry about them. His only concern was listening to the ground. It was a technique he learned when his teacher left him abandoned on that island for a month of survival training. Al and him heard the sound of paws hitting the ground which is what helped them catch food then. Listening for human feet on the ground was much easier than animals since humans were heavier than animals.

The vibrations met his ear. Heavy vibrations. "Damn it!" He shouted.

"What's wrong?" Havoc asked immediately.

"Drachma soldiers are moving closer to us. Heavy vibrations. Which means there are either a lot of soldiers, a lot of weapons, or both." Edward explained quickly.

"You got all that from listening to the ground." Breda asked in disbelief.

Edward nodded his head.

"How?"

"It's a technique I picked up when my teacher left me and my brother on an island for a month." Edward replied indifferently. "Warrant Officer Brody, Warrant Officer Kieran." Standing at five feet ten inches, Kieran had dark red hair cut short and crystal blue eyes. "Warrant Officer Andean." Andean was six feet one inch tall with short blonde hair and green eyes. "Warrant Officer Liran." Liran was five feet eleven inches tall. He had orange hair and a beard and dark emerald eyes. "Get your units ready. We're going to circle around the area and attack them on all sides. The rest of the units will stay here and cover you. Wait until you hear the signal before attacking."

Brody, Kieran, Liran, and Andean looked at Havoc and Breda for confirmation that this was a good plan. Havoc nodded his head at them to answer the unasked question. Edward, who noticed the exchange out of the corner of his eyes, scowled. He may be inexperienced, but he was smart and could come up with plans once and a while. He did it while he was a major and working with Mustang's old team on missions. Risking his men lives was not his plan here, not when they had lives outside the military.

Edward, by using alchemy, extended the trenches to circle halfway around the battlefield like an arc. The four units divided up into pairs and each pair went in the opposite direction.

"Sir?" Havoc said quietly.

"It's a good plan, right?" Edward asked hesitantly.

"You got to believe in yourself." Was all Havoc would say.

Edward put his ear against the wall of the trench. He listened to the footsteps moving around the tunnels that they made around the area. Smirking, Edward clapped his hands and slammed them on the wall. Sounds of a crumbling ground above them and yelling followed the blue electricity light. "Now!" Edward shouted at Skylak. Skylak blew his silver whistle. A loud shrilly sound came from it.

All the soldiers around Edward looked over the wall with their pistols, rifles, shotguns, machine guns, snipers, etc. Gunfire rained all around them.

Edward looked over the wall, watching the Drachman soldiers. He had destroyed the roof of the tunnels to cause them to crumble around the soldiers so they couldn't travel through them anymore. They had made it closer to them than he thought. Looking around he noticed the black uniformed soldiers were spread out all over the place. His men had to fight on all sides. The Drachman soldiers were doing what he decided to do, attack on all sides. But they didn't think of destroying the area they were in.

The young Colonel ducked back into the trench to allow the bullets to whiz over his head. Snarling under his breath, Edward looked back over the trench and started to fire his gun at each black uniform he saw.

His gun clicked quietly after a few shots. He clicked it again but got the same result. Scowling, he dropped down and reloaded his gun. When he looked back over the wall he saw a soldier standing a few feet away from him, gun pointed directly at him. Internally cursing, Edward took the shot quickly, but the man fired at the same time.

Edward fell back into the trench, gun falling at his side. "Shit."

"Sir, are you okay?" Havoc asked quickly. He had stayed near Edward to watch over him.

"Fine." Edward snapped, picking up his gun. "Don't take your eyes off the enemy or you'll end up getting shot like me. And you'll actually get hurt since you don't have metal limbs."

Havoc nodded his head and went back to firing his rifle.

"Sir!"

"What now?" Edward snarled. He looked behind him to see Warrant Officer Aran, his communication expert, running towards him. On his back, the radio pack was bouncing around. Aran was five feet ten inches tall and had dark brown hair and amber eyes.

"Colonel Rilen is on the line for you." Aran explained, handing the phone to him.

"Colonel Elric here." Edward said officially.

"Elric, what is happening?" Rilen asked.

"We are fighting the enemy, sir." Edward replied, kneeling on the ground so he wouldn't have to worry about the bullets whizzing over his head. Aran did the same as him.

"Charge them now. Push them back." Rilen's voice crackled through.

Edward frowned at the idea. Charging them would put his men at risk to. While in the ditches they had cover. Going into no man's land gave the Drachman soldiers a chance to fire back. Scowling, Edward realized he had no choice. Rilen was in charge here. "Yes sir."

"We're charging them." Edward yelled to his men. "Aran, Skylak, stay down here and cover us."

The four other units followed Edward, Havoc, and Breda into no man's land. Edward immediately dodged to the left to avoid bullets, clapping his hands as he went. A wall formed on the ground for a shield for his men. Then he clapped his hands to stabilize the ground that he destroyed earlier. He dropped down to his knees, resting his hands on the wall to help him steady his hands as he shot at the enemy.

Bullet after bullet shot out of his gun. Bullet after bullet met his target. Blood splattered from each of his victims and hit the ground about a second before the body hit the ground. As he fired another bullet, a bullet whizzed just an inch from his head. His eyes widened in fear. Whoever fired at him almost killed him…almost took him away from his brother and Winry. He couldn't die here. Not when he had a little brother and girlfriend at home, waiting and worrying for him.

When he ran out of bullets, he looked around at his troop. He found some of his soldiers bleeding on the ground while others who were bleeding were still fighting.

"All wounded soldiers who can still move are to help those who can't move." Edward yelled over the sounds of fighting. "Take them back to the trench." He clapped his hands and put them on the ground. The ground pushed away to form a tunnel that sloped downward and evened out on the bottom that led to the trench they came from.

"Colonel, behind you!" Breda shouted.

Edward whipped around to see a Drachma soldier had climbed over the wall he created. He lunged to the side to avoid getting shot and fired his gun at the man, but was met with an unpleasant reminder.

His gun was empty.

The Drachma soldier smirked, but that smirk disappeared soon as Edward jumped to his feet. The young Colonel slipped his knife out of his boot as he got to his feet. Edward ducked under the soldier's arm, pushing the gun aside as he did so. His knife met the soldier's throat. Blood splattered out and onto him. The man stared at Edward as he coughed up blood onto the boy. Edward kicked the man in the stomach to get him away from him. He slipped his bloody knife back into his boot and grabbed the dead soldier's gun.

Before he could use it the sounds of gunfire ended. He looked up at his lieutenant. "What's happening?"

"They retreated." Havoc replied, not taking his eyes off the Drachmans in case this was a trap. "They'll be back. They won't give up that easily."

"For now we need to get the wounded back to camp." Edward replied, grabbing his gun and putting it in his holster. He looked back at the soldier gurgling blood on the ground. His finger pulled the trigger of the enemy's gun one more time

*Return to Me*

"Let me see your arm." Havoc ordered.

Edward looked up at him. He was leaning against a tree, watching his troop resting from the battle. The battle had lasted two and a half days before the Drachma soldiers retreated. "What?"

"I saw you get shot in your arm. We need to get the bullet out." Havoc said. "We don't want anything to go wrong with your arm because of a bullet."

"Let's go to my tent." Edward murmured. It was too cold to be doing it outside.

Havoc got his knife out and used it to dig into the metal port on Edward's arm to get the bullet out. "Well, you're going to have a nice dent in your port. Hopefully that dent won't affect your arm at all."

"It should be fine." Edward replied.

"What's wrong?" Havoc asked, storing his knife in his boot after he retracted the blade. "You're being unusually quiet."

Tiredly, Edward rubbed his eyes. "I killed."

"That's right. You've never killed before." Havoc muttered. "You just kept such a calm head during the battle that I forgot."

Edward shook his head. "I was distracted then. I didn't have time to think about it. All I thought about was getting my men through that battle alive."

"Well you did a good job. We didn't lose anyone in this battle." Havoc said.

"But I still killed those men. Do you ever think about who we kill?" Edward asked quietly, head bowed.

"No. It's best to not think about it." Havoc replied.

Edward's fist slammed on his cot. "They have families and friends too and we're killing them."

"It's them or us. We have friends and family here, sir. If we don't stop them they will kill all we care about. War has no morals." Havoc replied harshly.

Edward stared up at him with wide, dead eyes. "Killing just brings more killing and will eventually end in a circle of revenge just like how Scar killed state alchemists after the military killed his people."

"Then we will deal with that when it comes. Right now we need to focus on keeping the enemy at bay and saving this country." Havoc said. "You should put your jacket back on before you freeze."

"I don't want to."

"Don't be an idiot." Havoc scolded.

"I'm not. It's covered in blood." Edward snapped.

"So? This is war." Havoc growled. He picked up the jacket and dropped it in Edward's lap. "Get used to the blood and mud because you can't clean it out here. I thought you would have been used to blood by now and wouldn't care about this since you are always covered in blood."

"That's my blood." Edward said weakly. "It's always mine."

Havoc sighed. "No offense, sir, but you're being pathetic. You can't lead your troop like this. You came up with a brilliant plan today that helped us defeat the enemy. Think about the positives, not the negatives. The way you are going you are going to end up not only getting yourself killed, but also your troop. It's not always about you."

"You don't get it." Edward said in a shaky voice. "I killed. I made a promise to Al years ago to not kill."

"You should have thought about that before you came here, before you joined the military." Havoc retorted.

Edward shook his head. His hand began to tremble as his mind traveled to the last two and a half days of fighting. It was bullet after bullet being fired. Screams filled the air. Blood drenched the ground and enemies and comrades. The hollow, mean eyes of the Drachma soldiers staring at him with a malicious grin in place…..

SMACK!

The young Colonel yelped in shock and fell against his bed. His hand went up this face as he stared in shock at his lieutenant.

"Calm down, Ed. Forget about the battle for right now." Havoc said.

"It is pathetic, huh?" Edward said. He laid down on his bed and covered his face with his hands. "You're going to report this to Mustang? Are you going to tell him about how his most prized state alchemist can't handle this?"

"I'm not a snitch. I am here to guide you and make sure you don't die." Havoc said. The sound of the tent flap followed Havoc's voice.

Edward took no notice of Havoc's exit. His heart was beating against his ribcage again. It was beating so fast that it was almost hurting his chest. He could feel the hands on his face trembling. Right now all he wanted to do was cry, but knew he couldn't. A commander, a soldier, doesn't cry. He would not cry. He would not let his soldiers get the satisfaction of knowing that they were right when they thought he couldn't handle this.

The truth was really setting in now. He was in war. He had killed. This war was already changing him. No one could go to war and come back unchanged. War affected everyone. He had already killed and forced the enemy to retreat and he would have to do it again and again and again. Havoc was right. He would have to get over this. Even if they didn't respect him, his troop was his responsibility. It was now his job to get them through this war where their previous commander couldn't.

A dry sob escaped Edward's lips. Today was his first battle. It was hell. He's seen hell, dozens of times in the past six years. But this hell was different from all the others. This hell made him have to kill other humans. He was alone in this hell. His brother wasn't with him this time like he was in all the other hells they went through.

He was alone.

A/N: Please Review!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Thanks for reviewing!

Return to Me

Chapter 6

"Hey chief! Get over here!"

"Chief?" Skylak said confused.

Havoc looked over at the warrant officer with a grin. "Yes, chief. The kid joined the military when he was twelve. It was too weird to call him sir or major."

"So we, along with Second Lieutenant Falman and Master Sergeant Fuery, came up with the names boss and chief for the kid." Breda finished.

"I imagine that it would be really weird. I would hate to report to a twelve year old. It's bad enough having to report to a seventeen year old." Brody replied before raising his flask to his lips.

Havoc laughed. "He may have been a superior to us, but the kid hates the military and he didn't give a damn about ranks. He was too focused on his goal then to care about the military's problem."

Edward was walking around the encampment to get a feel of where it was. Two sides of the camp had trees surrounding it. One of the sides had a dirt path that led to the road that would take them to Aquinas. The last side of the camp was bare except for a small stream that led into the forest. Tents were all over the place. About five soldiers shared a tent. Since he was the commander he got his own tent which was closer to the stream so he was away from the other soldiers. The tents circled around the area with small areas in the middle of the circle where the soldiers sat around fires and talked with their comrades.

They had been stuck in the camp for two days now. Colonel Rilen contacted him and heard the situation from Edward. He was slightly impressed by Edward being able to make Drachma retreat. After hearing the replay of the battle he told Edward to stay in the encampment while he contacted the higher ups. These two days of waiting had made him restless. They had no idea of what Drachma was planning next and they were here waiting around for their next orders. He wanted to go and fight the Drachmans again. To him that was a very sick thought, but at least then he would be doing something and know where the Drachmans were. That's all he wanted. Waiting around was making him tense and nervous. He didn't understand how his troop was able to remain so calm.

When he heard Havoc calling to him he stopped walking and looked over his shoulder at the lieutenant, who was sitting around one of the fires with some of his comrades. He was waving Edward over to them. Edward looked at the other soldiers around the fire with a frown. Why would Havoc wave him over when they didn't trust, or even like, him?

"I haven't heard that name in a while. It always Colonel or sir, sometimes Ed, with you now." Edward said as he walked cautiously over.

Havoc shrugged. "It's not like we're on duty so it doesn't matter what I call you, chief." He said around his cigarette.

"What do you want?" Edward asked, standing a few feet away from the fire.

"You've been walking around the camp for two hours all tensed, as if you are expecting an attack. It's beginning to make everyone paranoid." Havoc explained. He motioned to the empty spot next to him on the log. "Sit down. I have something that will help you calm down. If I knew you were going to be anxious like this before we came here I would have introduced it to you sooner. "

"And what would that be?" Edward asked slowly as he covered the rest of the distance between him and the soldiers, mostly out of curiosity.

"Hold on for a sec, boss." Breda said. He turned to Havoc and lowered his voice. "Are you crazy? He's still underage."

Havoc looked over at Edward who was looking at them impatiently. "What else can we do? He needs to calm down. This is how we all stay calm while we wait. Why shouldn't we share it with him? And besides he may be underage but he is responsible. You know that."

"Fine, but when the Fuhrer finds out, you are taking all the blame." Breda hissed.

Smirking in success, Havoc pulled a flask out of his pocket and tossed it to the tensed teen.

"A drink?" Edward scoffed, staring at the flask. "A drink is supposed to calm me down?"

"Ah, ignorance." Skylak laughed.

Edward glared at him.

"Just drink it, chief. It'll help." Havoc said before the teen could retort to Skylak.

Muttering whatever to himself, Edward opened the flask and tilted it back to let the smooth liquid travel down his throat. Immediately Edward felt a burning sensation in his throat which caused him too almost drop the flask in his hand. Havoc managed to take the flask from him before he could drop it and spill it all.

"What the…*cough*….hell…*cough*…was that?...*cough*" Edward asked, massaging his throat.

"Soldiers' water." Havoc said amused. He looked at the soldiers who were laughing at Edward's reaction to the drink and scowled. "Don't feel bad about coughing. Everyone coughs at first when they start drinking it. I'm sure there are some amusing stories with these guys about their first drink." That got the soldiers to shut up and stop laughing.

"What the hell is soldiers' water?" Edward snapped as soon as he got over the coughing fit.

"Anything with alcohol in it. What I gave you was whiskey." Havoc explained. He handed the flask back to Edward. "Drink some more."

Edward pushed Havoc's hand away. "No way."

"Don't be a baby. It'll help you." Havoc replied.

"It tastes horrible." Ed snapped.

"It's an acquired taste. You'll get used to it. Just drink, chief. It'll calm your nerves." Havoc said.

Reluctantly, Edward took the flask back from Havoc. "If you wanted to kill me there are easier ways than this." He said half-heartedly. He tipped the flask back again to let more of the smooth liquid flow down his throat while the soldiers around the fire laughed.

"Chief, when I want to kill you I will be putting a bullet in your head. I'm not going to waste good alcohol just to kill you." Havoc said, clapping Edward on the shoulder amused.

Edward lowered the flask and stared at him. "When? Well if you're going to kill me at some point, maybe I should just kill you right now so you never get to that point." Without even thinking about it Edward brought the flask back to his lips. He could feel his muscles loosening up. Like Havoc said, it was helping him calm down. He didn't feel the need to continuously walk around the camp like a paranoid nut job, waiting for an attack that wasn't coming.

The lieutenant laughed. "You can't pull the trigger against a friend, chief."

"And you could?" Edward retorted.

"If I really had to." Havoc shrugged.

Edward paused. "I have no idea what that means."

"When Fuhrer Mustang was a Colonel he told Captain Hawkeye that if he ever strayed from his path of wanting to be Fuhrer to shoot him." Havoc said.

"_Lower your gun." Mustang ordered. _

"_I'm afraid I can't do that, sir. Please, open your hand." Hawkeye replied. _

"_No goddamn you. Now drop your gun." Mustang yelled. _

_Edward clapped his hands and slammed them on the ground. A hand came up from the ground and knocked Envy out of Mustang's hand. The young alchemist caught Envy in the air and glared at Mustang with hardened eyes. _

_Mustang looked at Edward with narrowed, haunted eyes. "Fullmetal, give him to me!"_

_Edward made no move to drop Envy. _

"_I'll only say it one more time." Mustang growled. "Hand him over, Fullmetal." _

_Edward squeezed Envy in his hand. "Forget it!"_

"_He deserves a painful, humiliating death. Give him to me." Mustang ordered. His face shined with ugly hatred and plans for revenge. _

"_I said no." Edward replied calmly._

"_Give him to me, Fullmetal." Mustang poised his hand to attack. "Or I'll burn your arm off with him." _

"_Bring it, bastard! I'll take you on anytime." Edward yelled angrily. "Just take a good look at your face before you do anything. You think you can lead a country looking like that? THAT'S WHAT YOUR GOAL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!"_

"_Or will you let your fury turn you into little more than an animal?" Scar asked calmly. "That's your other option. It won't bother me if you sink to our level. I have no right to stop anyone from taking revenge. However, I wonder how a world led by a beast in human skin would end up."_

"_I can't let you kill Envy, Colonel." Hawkeye clicked her gun. "But I don't intend to let him live. I'll take care of him." _

"_It's taken so long! But I FINALLY have him!" Mustang shouted. _

"_I understand! But it's not to help the country or save a comrade. You only want to kill him to satisfy your own hatred!" Hawkeye shouted, pain carefully hidden in her voice. "Please, Colonel…don't go where I can't follow."_

"_If you're going to shoot, shoot. But what will you do after I'm dead?" Mustang asked in a dead voice. _

"_I have no desire to live a happy, carefree life all alone." Hawkeye whispered. "After this battle is over my body will leave this world together with the corpse of the Flame Alchemist." _

_Teeth clenched, Mustang snapped his fingers and blew up the wall next to them. "Unacceptable. I won't lose you too. What a messed up situation. Letting a child anger me, being lectured by my enemy. Forcing you to act like you did." He turned around to his lieutenant and put his hand on her gun. "I'm such a fool. Lower your gun, lieutenant. I apologize."_

"Could you go on living though?" Edward asked. "Hawkeye said she was going to kill herself after the battle if she had to kill Mustang."

"So he did stray from his dream at one point?" Breda asked. No one had been told of what happened with Mustang and Envy. Only Edward, Mustang, Hawkeye, and Scar knew of that moment.

Edward shrugged. "Just goes to show how horrible revenge is." He took another swig from the flask, nose wrinkling at the bitter taste.

"That was an order from the Colonel though. I would shoot my comrade dead if he was dying and we could not save him. I would shoot him to put him out of his misery." Havoc replied. "You can't do that, chief. With all the horrors you've seen in your life you have developed a love of human life. You value it too much. And because of that you cannot pull the trigger against a friend. Instead, you would try to save your comrade's life, even if it was pointless."

"And I have no problem with that. I could not live with myself if I killed a friend." Edward replied coldly, going to take another drink from the flask, but Havoc took it from him before he could.

"I think you had enough for now. I don't want you drunk, just calmed down." Havoc said as he screwed the lid back on the flask.

Shrugging, Edward got back up. "Whatever. Thanks for the drink."

"Still antisocial, I see." Breda whispered to Havoc.

"He's not antisocial. He's just hasn't been around a lot of people his age. The only person he's had his age to be with is his mechanic. It's hard to be around only adults." Havoc said quietly. "You try joining the military at twelve and see how you fare. The kid can't even get any respect from his troop."

"No thanks." Breda hissed.

Peaceful darkness engulfed Edward that night when he passed out on his cot facedown. All around him was complete silence. The only sound around was the cackle of the fires and the stream near his tent. If he wasn't affected by the alcohol given to him by Havoc he would have felt suspicious that it was too quiet. But the alcohol was doing its job and kept him from being tense and paranoid. It had dulled his senses.

The moment his head hit that pillow he was out like a light. Darkness swarmed his senses in his sleep. It surrounded him completely, leaving him very much alone. This darkness made him feel blind. He could put his hand in front of face, only a few inches away, and not see it.

Complete darkness.

He always hated this darkness. This darkness was inside him. Whenever he found himself in a horrible or dangerous situation he found himself falling in this darkness when he slept. This horrible darkness brought all his horrible memories back to him.

Watching his mother die over and over and over again.

Watching the failed transmutation of their mother and Al being pulled into the Gate.

Watching the time he was kidnapped by terrorists and almost killed by them, only surviving by Mustang showing up on time.

Remembering the time when he took a mission with him in charge of Hawkeye, Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery. Hawkeye and Fuery were caught in a bomb explosion because of a mistake on his part.

Watching those little kids, women, men. Watching them as they died slowly from a train being blown up by terrorists. He only escaped it because he and Al were walking to the next town, not taking a train.

Remembering the time his brother got kidnapped by assassins who were after him. They used him as bait. He had to get Mustang's help to save him.

Remembering Nina and how her deranged father turned her into a chimera.

Scar trying to kill him in East City. He only survived by Mustang arriving in time to save him.

Watching Winry pointing a gun at Scar when she heard he was the one to kill her parents.

Remembering when he almost died by Kimberly's hand.

Dreaming about how Hughes died. It was a different way each time.

Watching the battle from the other night in this horrible war.

All of it came back to him when he fell into this darkness. It surrounded him. It mocked him. His horrors mocked him and played him like a fool. The darkness took some sick pleasure out of watching him scream for it all to end, for all his memories to end. He didn't want to see them anymore. He wanted to move on in his life, not be reminded of his past.

A dark silhouette appeared in the darkness, approaching him. The figure's black eyes glowed with malice as he looked down at Edward with a sinister grin. He pointed a knife at Edward.

Edward's eyes snapped open. He felt sweat tickling down his face, but paid no attention to that. Even with him awake the dark silent figure was still there.

Without thinking, Edward's hand dived under his pillow, wrapping around the smooth metal there. As soon as it was in his hand he rolled out of the bed to dodge the knife that the figure plunged into his bed. He swung his leg outward in an arc motion to knock the figure off his feet. He pulled his knife out of his boot that was next to him, pushing the switch as he did, and thrust it in the man's abdomen two times then left the man to bleed to death. He quickly pulled his boots on and ran out of the tent, firing his gun in the air as he went which is what woke his men. "DRACHMANS ATTACKING! EVERYONE WAKE UP!"

As soon as he got out of his tent Edward had to duck to the ground to avoid a knife. He let his gun off two more times at the Drachma in front of him. Edward didn't waste time to see if he was dead or not. He looked around the camp. Lights flashed around as his soldiers fought against the Drachmans. Dust picked up all around them from all the guns being fired.

As Edward watched Warrant Officer Aran fight hand-to-hand with a Drachma he saw a figure sneak up behind him. Damn, Drachmas really did play dirty.

Edward ran across the camp, skirting around his men who didn't need any help. A Drachma stepped in front of him with a blade just as he reached his man who was now struggling with both Drachman soldiers. Edward didn't give him the chance to do anything. His finger pulled his trigger three times on its own. He jumped over the man's body, dropping his gun to the ground so his hands were free to pull the man with a knife off of Aran. He twisted the man's arm behind his back, forcing him to drop his knife. With the knife out of the way, Edward slammed his automail fist in the man's face, then slammed his leg in his stomach. He dropped to the ground, grabbed his knife out of his boot, and threw it like a throwing knife at the man, piercing him in the heart. After Hughes was killed he took it upon himself to learn how to use throwing knives like Hughes did. It was his way to honor his fallen friend.

With his enemy down Edward turned to look at Aran. He was rolling across the ground with his enemy. They were struggling over a knife in the Drachma soldier's hand. Edward picked up his gun off the ground and released the empty magazine, pulling a new one out of his pocket as he did so to replace it. With his gun ready, Edward kicked the enemy hard in the chest to get him to release Aran's throat then pulled him off by the back of his jacket. Without looking at his man to see if he was alright, he shot the man in the head and looked around at the rest of his men.

Havoc and Brody were fighting against three Drachmans. As he was watching, Brody shot one in the leg, crippling him and making him fall backwards into one of the fires. He let out a bloodcurdling scream as he burned to death which made Ed want to plug his ears. It was a horrible sound. A pair of master sergeants were kneeling in front of their tents using shotguns to take down any Drachmans they could get a good aim on.

"Colonel."

Edward looked back down at Aran. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, sir." Aran replied.

Edward nodded his head but didn't reply as he noticed one of his sergeants disappearing between two tents with a Drachma twice as big as him and ran after them. He found his sergeant being choked to death by the soldier. "Not on my watch." He snarled, firing his gun with such precision that he hit the man's wrist of the hand that was choking his sergeant. The sergeant fell to the ground. His neck was red and would probably bruise later.

The Drachman glared at Edward and drew his own gun. Edward dropped to the ground to avoid getting hit, but this time, he wasn't fast enough. The bullet scraped against his face, making Edward wince for a second. He has never been a fan of guns. The Drachman took Edward's momentarily distraction to charge at him with a knife. Cursing, Edward propelled himself to the left to avoid getting trampled, falling into one of the tents. From the ground and tangles of the tent, Edward took aim at the figure dressed in black and fired just as the figure in front of him fired again.

White hot pain flashed through Edward's mind less than a second later. With no control his finger pulled the trigger one more time before he dropped his gun. He watched from his position in the destroyed tent through half-closed eyes as figures ran around driving the blurry black figures out of the camp. A blurry blue figure stopped in front of him and said something that Edward didn't hear amongst all the chaos going on around him.

As the noise ended a figure with orange hair approached him. "Colonel, can you hear me? Colonel, it's Lieutenant Breda."

Groaning, Edward waved his automail hand at him as a sign that he could hear him.

"We're going to move you to the medical tent."

"Drach-mans?" Edward asked.

"Gone. That was some quick thinking, sir." Breda replied.

Edward nodded his head. "Where was I shot?"

"In your side. I don't think it hit any vital organs so you should be fine." Breda replied. "But then again, I'm no doctor."

"The guards?"

"Don't know yet, Colonel." Havoc said.

Edward closed his eyes and nodded his head. There was a possibility that two of his men were dead and he didn't like it. "There's a body in my tent. Get it out."

"I'll get some sergeants on it right away, sir." Havoc said.

*Return to Me*

"Should you really be moving around, Colonel Elric? You just got shot yesterday." Havoc said disapprovingly when he found Edward walking around the camp again.

Edward snorted. "I'm fine. I don't have time to be lying around. Has there been any word from Colonel Rilen?"

"No." Havoc said frowning. "Why are you always reckless?"

"How is that sergeant?" Edward ignored Havoc's question.

"The one that was with you when you got shot? He's fine. Has a nasty bruise on his throat, but he's fine." Havoc replied.

"That's good." Edward murmured. "Leave me alone, Lieutenant. I don't need you babysitting me." He glared at Havoc when he was still there. "Go away now."

"Despite what you might think, Colonel, you can't deal with _everything _on your own." Havoc snapped before spinning on his heels. Before he left he looked over his shoulder at Edward. "And I'll be here to talk whenever you need it, sir."

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I'M FINE!" Edward screamed at him. His glare hardened when all the soldiers looked at him.

Havoc raised a brow with a frown. "Whatever you say, Colonel."

Edward didn't bother to look back at him as he heard Havoc's feet splashing away in the muddy ground. He continued to sit on his log, glaring at his soldiers until they looked away from him. His guards from last night were found; luckily neither of them were dead. They almost were from blood lost. Both of them had been stabbed repeatedly with knifes in the back and would be out of commission for a while.

That still didn't answer the question of how the Drachmas got in though. His guards should have noticed them coming. They couldn't have been so quiet as to not notice. Anything could have told them that something was wrong last night. The sound of a branch cracking when a soldier stepped on it. The fact that it was too quiet last night, which Edward realized he should have noticed and would have if he didn't have that alcohol in him. Even by watching the area around them they could have seen the dark figures moving around. His guards had three options. Option A, they let the Drachmas soldiers attack them which Ed didn't find very likely. Option B, his guards weren't paying attention, which had some merit to it. Or option C, his soldiers weren't trained well enough to notice even the slightest sign of trouble.

"Colonel Elric, sir."

Sighing, Edward looked up at Aran. "Yes Warrant Officer?"

"I just wanted to thank you for saving me last night." Aran said.

"It's was nothing, Warrant Officer." Edward replied, turning around on the log to look in the other direction. "Tell me, do you have a family back home?"

"Yes. I have a wife and two kids, a daughter and a son, waiting for me back home." Aran said proudly. "They are wonderful people."

Edward smiled. "Then do me a favor and not a die out here. Survive this war and go back home to your family."

"Yes sir." Aran said.

Edward laughed. "You guys are making me feel old with all this sir business. I hated it when people would call me sir when I was just a major. Now I'm a Colonel and all I ever get called anymore is Colonel or sir."

"Sorry sir." Aran said amused and with no trace of actually feeling sorry in his voice. "Sir, may I speak freely?"

Edward nodded.

"Why do you care?" Aran asked.

Edward turned around on the log and looked at his soldier confused. "I don't follow."

"Why do you I care that I live and go back to my family?" Aran asked.

"Too many families are ripped apart." Edward replied. "Do you know Brigadier General Hughes?"

Aran nodded his head. "I know the name."

"He was a friend of mine who got killed helping me." Edward hesitated for a moment, unsure whether or not to add something. "He…he wouldn't have died if I had stopped researching what I was researching when I was told to. I tried to not get him involved because he had a wife and daughter."

"I remember them from the funeral." Aran said. "Sir, I don't think you should feel guilty about his death. You said you two were friends. Well, friends help each other all the time and ask for nothing in return. It's like an unwritten, unsaid code among friends. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty, especially if he was the one who chose to help you despite knowing all the danger that was involved."

Edward frowned. "I didn't mention anything about danger."

"Reading in between the lines, sir." Aran replied.

The young Colonel chuckled. "You are smart, Warrant Officer."

"More brains then brawn, sir. I'm not that good of a fighter." Aran said lightly.

"You seemed to be doing fine last night until that Drachma snuck up behind you." Edward replied harshly as he turned back to face the dirt path. He didn't like people putting themselves down like this. "Just do as I say and you'll live. I'm not having another family ripped apart."

Aran smiled. "Yes sir." He hesitated a moment.

"Was there something else you needed, Warrant Officer?" Edward asked without looking back.

The Warrant Officer hesitated a moment longer. "I apologize for the way we have been treating you, sir. I guess we just didn't think someone so young could be a Colonel. None of us want to die out here and we thought following you would get us killed."

"I figured as much." Edward replied. "It's hard to know who you can trust without getting to know them first. But sometimes you don't get the chance to get to know someone to know if you can trust them. You just got to trust yourself to know who to trust."

"Coffee?"

Aran and Edward looked around at Brody, who had two cups in his hands. He handed one to Aran and looked at Edward expectantly.

"Thanks." Edward murmured, taking the cup from Brody. He could use a nice warm, strong drink right about now. "Has there been any word from Colonel Rilen?"

"Not yet, sir." Aran replied. "Why?"

"I can't stand sitting around anymore." Edward said. He took a sip from his cup, sighing in content when the warm liquid hit his throat. It was black coffee, which was his favorite. It was the strongest it could be, not liquid down with cream or milk or sugar. That was the only way to drink it out here.

"Lieutenant Breda did say you traveled a lot and didn't stay in one place for more than two weeks." Brody said amused. "Always got to be off doing something dangerous."

The young Colonel snorted. "I don't go looking for danger. I just somehow got dragged through the mud into the messes." He turned back around, taking another sip of his coffee before putting his cup on the ground.

Aran and Brody look at each other after a few minutes of no one saying anything. The former shrugged at his comrade and they left Edward to drown in his thoughts.

Edward listened to his men leave before sighing. All this sitting around and talking was getting him all anxious again. After the attack last night he was worried about another attack. He should have never let Havoc convince him to drink last night. If it wasn't for the alcohol in his system he might have paid more attention to the signs of an oncoming attack.

Jittery. That was what Edward was feeling and it was noticeable by his bouncing leg. His bouncy leg was started to irritate him. It just showed how restless he was and wasn't helping his anxiousness. His mind kept going over everything that had to do with Drachma or plans of attack. To keep his mind off these thoughts, Edward pulled out a notebook and pen from his pocket. He hadn't used transmutation circles in years but it calmed him down to think about them and he figured it would be good practice to draw some in case he ever found himself in a situation where he couldn't clap his hands like he did with that serial killer, Barry the Chopper, when he first joined the military. If he ever found himself in a difficult situation with an arm missing or tied up he could find a way to draw a circle and use it. But he needed practice drawing them since he hasn't done so in years.

Edward stared at the circle he drew in shock. He had been drawing circles for about half an hour which got him lost in thought. Drawing circles was just natural to him now, even though he hasn't done it in years. From his thoughts he thought about Winry and Al which brought up the question, what would he do if they died? What would happen if the Drachmans pushed so far that they killed all his friends and family? Those thoughts caused him to draw the human transmutation circle.

"No." Edward hissed, tearing the page out of his notebook. He would not do human transmutation again. Once was enough for him to learn his lesson. He stuffed his notebook and pen in his pocket before grabbing his coffee and standing up. Why the hell was he thinking about human transmutation again? That was behind him.

"Something wrong, Colonel?" Havoc called over to him.

Edward drowned the rest of his coffee and squished the cup in his hand. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Lieutenant." He replied as he threw his cup and paper into the fire. "What are you guys doing over here?"

Havoc handed Edward a drawing. "Looking at drawings that Skylak made. He's a great artist."

Edward looked down at the drawing in his hand. It was of a young woman in her later twenties with long wavy hair and bright eyes. "This your girlfriend, Warrant Officer?"

Skylak grinned. "Fiancée. We got engaged a few weeks before all this business with Drachma started."

Frowning, Edward folded the picture back up and handed it back to Skylak. His men had lives outside of the military. They all had lives. And if they died here, Edward would feel horrible. Not only would they be dead, but their loved ones would have to suffer with them gone. Would they be so desperate after their loved ones died to attempt human transmutation like him?

"You better not die out here then, Warrant Officer. I don't want to be the one to have to give her the news that her fiancée is dead." Edward replied stiffly. Why did Mustang have to make him a commander? He couldn't do this. Getting his men killed would be pure torture.

"If we're telling people not to die, then Colonel Elric, don't you die out here." Havoc growled. "If you die then I have to tell Al and Winry. I've seen both of them mad and upset and I'm not going back there."

Edward snorted. "Relax, Lieutenant. I've already told them that I might die out here and told them if I do to go on with their lives. They'll get over my death if it happens."

Havoc glared at Edward. "Do you ever prepare for anything good? Every time you prepare for something it is preparing for the worst. I have never seen you prepare for anything good in your life."

Edward shrugged. "Preparing for the good is just a way to plan your life out the way you want it to go. I don't want that. I want my future to be a surprise, let it happen as life goes on. Preparing for the worst is so I know how bad things can or will get and be ready for it. Preparing for the worst is the way to make sure it will end well for all who deserve it."

"You deserve a chance to live peacefully and happy." Havoc sighed.

"I wouldn't be happy." Edward said, looking away to the side into the trees. "I love being on the move and traveling all over the place. Settling down isn't what I want. It would be boring."

"What does Winry want though?" Breda asked with a smirk.

A blush crept into Edward's cheeks. He kept his eyes locked on the trees. If he looked at his troop his face would turn as red as a tomato.

A wolfish grin spread across Havoc's face. "Oh yes, we can't forget about her. You may like traveling all the time, but what about _Miss_. Rockbell?"

"What are you implying?" Edward snarled at him, but still not looking at him.

"Please, Colonel, you are almost an adult, legally now." Breda replied, grinning as his comrades began to catch on to what was going on. "And you and Winry have been in love with each other for years, everyone saw it. You two just refused to admit it. When was it that you two started dating anyway? Havoc and I were quite shocked to see you two kiss before you left for war. We didn't think you two would ever get together."

"Shut your traps." Edward snapped, face completely red by now.

Skylak laughed. "Better do as he says before he reports you for embarrassing him."

"Winry and I aren't even dating. That was just a kiss." Edward growled, still refusing to meet anyone's eyes.

Havoc and Breda shared a look, twinkles of amusement in both their eyes. "Just a kiss?" The former asked casually. "Then why did I see tongue in a kiss that was 'just a kiss'?"

"Why were you watching so closely?" Edward smirked, turning to face Havoc with revenge shining in his eyes. "Were you hoping to pick up some pointers by watching?"

The soldiers all started to laugh so hard that they had to hold their sides while Havoc stared in shock at Edward with a blush beginning to form.

"You probably need all the lessons you can get since the Fuhrer always steals your girlfriends." Edward grinned evilly. He paused for a moment to pretend to look thoughtful. "Oh, wait. Don't bother with the lessons. You don't even get girlfriends. The Fuhrer always manages to get them before you can even go on your first date with them, so they're not much of girlfriends, are they, Lieutenant?"

Havoc fell off of the log and into the mud as if he was shot dead while the soldiers continued to howl with laughter. Who knew the kid could be so evil and hurtful?

After a few minutes of laughter, Breda, being such a good friend (not really, he just wanted to torture his Colonel more) decided to take pity on his fallen friend. "You know, Colonel, that doesn't change the fact that there was tongue in that kiss with your mechanic. I had no idea you two were such good friends that you don't mind kissing that passionately in public."

Edward scowled at his Lieutenant. He was so close to getting away from this conversation.

"Mechanic?" Skylak laughed. "You seduced your mechanic?"

"NO!" Edward said loudly, face completely red once more.

Brody came up from behind Edward and clapped him on the shoulder. "I think he did."

Edward pushed Brody off him. "You're all insane. She is just a friend, a childhood friend. I would never date her. She's like a sister to me."

"Incest!" Aran shouted in disgust.

Edward face palmed. This was not going well for him. "No, we're not really related. We just grew up together. And it's only incest if we're dating, which we aren't."

"Just friends, huh?" Havoc said after he recomposed himself. "Then why did she….." He grabbed Edward's arm and pulled him closer to him. His hand slipped under Edward's jackets and shirt to grab both chains there. He pulled them over Edward's head and held them in front of him. "Give you this locket?"

"Damn it, Lieutenant. Give that back." Edward scowled, trying to grab the necklaces.

"Nope." Havoc grinned.

"That locket!" Kieran said shocked, grabbing it out of Havoc's hand. "I know this locket." He turned it over to see the initials SR. "This is Sara Rockbell's before she was killed in the war. I thought I recognized the name Rockbell from somewhere. So you're dating her daughter?"

"Damn it!" Edward shouted. He sat on the log and glared at Kieran. "So you were in Ishval? How did you know Mr. and Mrs. Rockbell?"

"They helped me after I got shot multiple times." Kieran explained. "I talked to them for a little bit. They were from Resembool and had a daughter. I can't believe I didn't recall her name until now, Winry Rockbell. I owed them a lot for saving me, but I could never do anything to repay them back. The only thing I could do was send this locket back to their daughter."

Edward smiled sadly. "So that's how she got. I wondered. Thanks for sending it to her. She was very happy to get something that was her mom's."

"I'm sorry that she had to grow up as an orphan. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to have to grow up as an orphan, especially since I have a younger brother." Kieran replied, handing the locket back to Edward, who took it shocked.

"Little brother?" Edward asked.

Kieran nodded his head. "Is something wrong, sir?"

Edward clenched the necklace in his fist. "No."

Havoc frowned and hit him in the head. "Just tell them. You are asking about their private lives, so shouldn't you return the favor and tell them about your family? Equivalent exchange, right?"

The Colonel glared at him. "I hate you. Give me my tags back."

Havoc looked at the tags in his hand. "These are the ones I had customized for you two years ago, aren't there?"

"Yes, now give here." Edward demanded.

Havoc ignored him and looked at the one with Edward's rank. "You changed it from Major to Colonel."

"Duh, I was promoted." Edward mockingly said as he snatched them out of Havoc's hands. He put both chains over his head before turning back to Kieran. "I have a little brother is all and I learned how tough it is to grow up without parents. My dad left us when I was three and my mom died when I was five. I had to be a parent and older brother to my little brother since I was five. I made a lot of mistakes, practically ruined his life at one point. It took me five years to fix that mistake. Be lucky you didn't have to grow up alone."

"Is that why you joined the military at twelve?" Kieran asked sadly.

Edward nodded his head.

Kieran clenched his fists. "No one should have to grow up that early."

"Who really cares now? It's in the past, nothing can be done about it. I wouldn't be who I am if that didn't happen." Edward tried to say all this nonchalantly, but it didn't work out. It sounded more painful and sad, like he was wallowing in self-pity.

"Don't believe him." Havoc said, clapping Edward on the shoulder. "He really wishes he wasn't here right now cause we all know if his mother hadn't died he would be in Resembool living a peaceful, boring life which he would be despising, whole heartedly." He looked at Edward's shocked look with a dark expression. "I'm not an idiot, Colonel. I know if that was what happened, you would be happily living with your brother and mom."

"Maybe you are right, Lieutenant. But let's think, even if that was the case, you agreed that I would be unhappy because I wasn't traveling. And then there is this war going on at this time. An unhappy, bored teen with a war going on is going to enlist so I would be here anyway." Edward said.

Havoc shook his head. "Damn, Colonel. You just can't stay out danger."

"Oh, shut it, Lieutenant. It's not like I ask for danger to find me all the time." Edward snapped.

"Back to Winry, though." Breda interrupted with a smirk.

Edward abruptly stood up. "I don't need this." He stomped away to his tent, completely red in the face and mumbling about nosy officers who don't know how to shut up while they are ahead, leaving his men to laugh at his retreating form.

A/N: Please Review!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Thanks for the reviews!

Return to Me

Chapter 7

_Dear Winry, _

It shined in bright black ink that was still wet. Nothing more, nothing less was written on the paper.

Rain splattered against the ground, turning the Earth terrain into slippery, wet mud. The heavy rain and dark sky made the soldiers army crawling across the ground feel almost blind. Only one good thing came from this heavy rain. That was the mud. It provided a good cover for the soldiers who were covered in the sticky substance.

It was a simple plan that Edward has been mulling about since Drachma invaded and attacked his troop in the middle of the night. As soon as Colonel Rilen contacted him he told him of his plan and he passed the plan idea to Major General Myers to approve of. Myers contacted Edward two days after the invasion to approve of the plan. A day of preparation was all the young Colonel needed before he could pull off the attack.

The rain was not part of his plan of attack, but it couldn't have worked out better. Drachman soldiers wouldn't see them coming at this rate. Neither side could see through this rain, but one side did know that there was an attack planned.

Edward bit back a hiss of pain. There were in the enemy's territory (truly Amestrian land) now and were crawling under the barbed wire. He's had practice with crawling in tight places, no one could deny that, but he's never crawled under barbed wire. It was different from crawling in a vent.

A gloved fist went up to his cheek and came back red. The damn barbed wire cut him. Taking a calming breath, Edward went back to crawling. His men were getting too far ahead of him. He didn't want them to be out in the open without him for long here. It wasn't that he doubted their abilities, cause he didn't. This was his plan so he felt more comfortable being with his team and guiding them along.

His soldiers were kneeling on the ground outside the barbed wire when Edward pulled himself out from under it. Havoc looked at him worried, wondering what held him up. The Colonel ignored his look and signaled for everyone to follow him through the trees. They spread out amongst the trees to make themselves a harder target with their guns at the ready.

Ears strained for anything, Edward stepped over any fallen branches he saw. It was best to make as little sound as possible if the plan was to work. He listened for any sound around him that wouldn't be his men. The quiet footsteps and metals clicking against metals was his men. He pushed these sounds out and listened around them.

Once they made it to the edge of the forest, Edward held his hand up in the signal to halt. They stopped on the edge of a hill. At the bottom of the hill small lights, which could be determined as fires, could be seen. The light from the fire cast shadows around the camp so the Amestrians could see tents around the camp. The fires were flickering though and were small as the rain began to dampen them.

Swallowing the nervousness he was suddenly feeling, Ed signaled for the first phase of the attack to take place. Havoc nodded his head and passed the signal along to the others. Once the last group got the message for the first phase to start, the leader of the last group blew a whistle to signal that they knew and it was time to start now.

All secrecy was forgotten as the whistle was heard. Metallic clicks were heard all around as safety pins were pulled out of the grenades. The green bombs flew through the air as the soldiers let them go. A splattering sound was heard as the bombs landed in the mud around the tents. The whistle had woken up the Drachma soldiers as well as starting the attack. As the grenades started to go off, unsuspecting Drachma soldiers were emerging from their tents.

It was complete chaos when the grenades went off. Some of the Drachmas got the full blast of the bomb, causing them to explode and their body pieces were flying through the air. Others were blown backwards from the explosions, becoming horribly burned from it. Anyone not caught in the explosion was yelling instructions (the commander) or looking for the enemy that they could not see. During the chaos going down in the camp, the Amestrian soldiers were getting their snipers, machine guns, and other guns ready.

"Colonel?" Havoc asked quietly.

"Take aim." Edward ordered.

Edward looked into his scope and aimed at a soldier. He listened to his soldiers adjusting their guns to hit a target. He let out a slow breath. This was his first time beginning an attack. So far it has been the Drachmans starting everything. "FIRE!"

Bullets rained down on the camp form all around, hitting the enemy or the ground or the tents. The plan, after all, was simple. They wanted to drive the Drachmans back to Drachma where they belonged. Edward's group was at the top of the hill. Brody and Warrant Officer Walkers (a five feet ten inches tall soldier with dark brown hair and green eyes) each led a team to surround two sides of the camp. That way the Drachmas only had one place to go, back towards Drachma. Edward's group was to release the grenades like they did as the starting point to the attack to get the Drachmans attention. Once that happened they would be aiming to kill or injure, and to drive the rest out of the camp in a retreat. It was relatively simple to plan.

Not being able to see the enemy or knowing exactly where they were coming from left the Drachmans at a huge disadvantage. And the rain wasn't helping at all. It was making it impossible for them to get anywhere. The Drachmans were slipping around in the mud as they tried to avoid the bullets.

*Return to Me*

"Drachma doesn't give up that easily and it was only one troop. They'll be back." Edward said, staring at his troop seriously. "And we'll be ready for them again." He paused and looked at his Lieutenants and Warrant Officers. "But good job all of you. You all did great in the attack yesterday."

"Don't sell yourself short, Colonel. It was your plan." Walkers shouted enthusiastically and with a grin.

Edward nodded his head at him. "Good point. Maybe I should get all the credit." For a minute he was quiet as if waiting for an outburst from his now annoyed soldiers. He grinned at them after a minute of keeping a straight face. "But I can't. There is no way I could have accomplished what we did last night on my own."

The Colonel found himself sitting in the new encampment staring into the trees by himself. A small bandage was on his cheek where the barbed wire cut him. That was the only injury in the whole attack against Drachma's camp. Havoc, Breda, and some of his Warrant Officers kept cracking jokes at him about it. It made Edward want to trap them in the ground with his alchemy.

After pushing Drachma out of their camp, Edward's group was ordered to move forward and protect that area. They had set up a new camp and were staying here to watch for the Drachmas and keep them from pushing through again.

Behind him, Edward heard the noise of his men laughing and drinking. They were partying over their small win against Drachma. He didn't stop them. It kept them all in high spirits, celebrating the wins they get. And they needed that out here in war. Any celebration would keep them going and keep them from getting depressed and sad from being away from their families and friends.

"Colonel Elric, get over here." Brody yelled.

Edward looked over his shoulder. "What do you need?"

Brody grinned. "Just come here."

Sighing, Edward went over to him and sat around the fire. "What?"

"Well, you just pulled off your first successful attack and survived two attacks from Drachma." Brody said.

"I don't like where this is going." Edward said, stealing a flask out of Havoc's hand. He stuck his tongue out at Havoc's affronted expression causing Havoc to mutter "real mature."

"So I decided you should have a tattoo as your show of victory." Brody said as if he didn't noticed Edward or Havoc at all.

This statement caused Edward to gulp down more alcohol than he planned. He coughed most of it up with Havoc hitting his back to help him. "Hell no, Warrant Officer." Edward snapped gruffly.

Brody snickered. "Afraid of needles?"

A blushing Edward looked away. "Why did I have to get struck with you guys as my troop?"

"Actually, Colonel, most soldiers aren't like this. It's just because you're here." Breda said.

Edward stared at him confused. "Huh?"

"What he means," Skylak said with an eye roll. "Is that you're inexperienced and don't really care all that much about military or ranks. So we can fool around more with you than we could with a strict commander."

"Come on, Colonel. You are seventeen now." Havoc said after Skylak finished his quick explanation.

Edward glared at Havoc. "Tell me, Lieutenant, do you know how automail surgery is?"

Havoc winced. "Can't say I do, sir."

"I was in surgery for three days getting jabbed with needles and having my nerves messed with. In automail surgery you can't use any drugs because you have to be conscience and know what is going on with the surgery. You have to be awake to help the surgeons, so they know they are doing everything right. The surgery caused me to get a very high fever that took four days to break. It was pure torture. Then you have to go through rehabilitation once you break through the fever. Automail hurts. You can't move it at all without rehabilitation because it hurts so much. It took a whole day just to get used to moving my fingers." Edward explained, eyes narrowed at his Lieutenant.

"Ah, that's why you were always sneaking out of hospitals!" Havoc said with realization, hitting one fist into his palm.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I snuck out because I have things I had to do. I didn't have time to waste with healing. Plus they were always putting IVs in my arms."

"That was to help you with the pain." Breda said.

Edward snorted. "That pain was nothing compared to having my limbs ripped off."

"Ripped off?" Kieran asked with a raised brow and slightly shocked look. "What were you doing that your limbs got ripped off?"

Edward looked at Breda and Havoc in alarm. He hadn't meant to let that slipped out. Telling them the truth would get him in a lot of trouble, but he couldn't lie to them. He needed to build connections with his men, earn their trust. Havoc and Breda looked at each other and shared a silent conversation. When Havoc looked back at Edward, his eyes were telling the boy that it was best not to tell the truth, that sometimes it was better to not know the truth.

"I told you I was from Resembool. The Eastern Rebellion reached part of it and I lost my limbs in it." Edward explained.

"And yet you still come to war after that experience." Brody said with a raised brow.

Edward shrugged. "It was years ago. I don't let anything hold me back. Keep moving forward. That is all we can do."

Brody smirked. "Then maybe it's time to move past this fear of needles."

"Trypanophobia." Aran said as he came over to the group. "Who has it?"

"Trypa-what?" Havoc asked confused, chewing thoughtfully on his cigarette.

"Trypanophobia, or the fear of needles. Who has it?" Aran asked again.

"The Colonel." Breda, Havoc, Brody, Skylak, Kieran, and Walkers said amused or blandly.

Edward scowled at all them.

Aran smiled. "You know, the best way to get over that fear is to get used to having needles poked at you. What brought this up anyway?"

"We want Colonel Elric to get a tattoo to commemorate his first successful attack and the fact that he survived two attacks from Drachmans despite being new to the idea of having help from adults. It will show that he is a real soldier finally, a real soldier who survived battles." Breda explained.

Edward snorted. "Please, what do either of you know about tattoos?"

Grinning, Havoc rolled up his sleeve on his right arm. He showed him the upper part of his arm where there was a design of a beautiful woman with a list of names below it in fancy lettering. Above the picture of the woman, written in fancy writing was 'The Knight.'

"What are those names?" Edward asked.

"Names of women I didn't lose to the Fuhrer." Havoc replied.

Edward snickered. "It's a rather short list."

Havoc rolled his sleeve down and glared at the kid. He considered hitting the kid, but didn't, not with so many officers around.

"What about you, Lieutenant Breda? Do you have a tattoo of a dog?" Edward asked with a grin.

"Hell no!" Breda said.

Edward snickered. "Maybe it's time you moved on from your fear of dogs."

"Cynophobia." Aran said.

"Thank you for that fact for which we don't care about." Breda snapped. He looked back at Edward. "No, I don't." He rolled his pants leg up on his left leg. The Amestrian dragon was tattooed into his leg in blue and black. Around the dragon in fancy writing was 'The Rook.'

"Why do you two have chess piece names tattooed on you?" Edward asked confused.

"You've been saying it ever since you joined the military, chief." Havoc said around his cigarette. "We're all just pawns."

"Oh." Edward muttered with a scowl, understanding the hidden meaning in what Havoc said. They were part of Mustang's most loyal team and he called them each by a chess piece. The world was just like a chess game to him apparently.

"So, chief?" Breda grinned at the kid. "What about you?"

Scowling, Edward pulled out his notebook and pen. "Just to get you all to shut up."

The soldiers grinned and high fived. Peer pressure seemed to work no matter what.

"How do you plan to do this anyway?" Edward asked as he scribbled in his notebook.

"Brody can do it right here." Skylak told him.

"I thought you were the artist here." Edward said.

Skylak shrugged. "I draw. I'm not too good with tattooing. Brody is though."

"Great." Edward muttered, ripping the paper out of his notebook and handing it to Brody.

"What's this?" Brody asked.

"The Flamel. It's my teacher's symbol." Edward explained.

Brody nodded his head. He blew smoke out of his mouth from his cigarette, making Edward gag. Havoc tried not to smoke around him a lot when he was a kid so he wasn't used to the smell.

"Never smoked, Colonel?" Aran asked.

Edward shook his head.

"Guess you do got some innocence left in you." Havoc said.

"Where do you want this?" Brody asked.

Edward took his coat and jacket off, silently extremely grateful that they were near a fire to keep him warm. "Left collar bone."

"Skylak, tell me about your fiancée. What is she like?" The young Colonel asked before sitting very still with his head tilted back as Brody started to prick at his skin with a needle. He knew he couldn't move or talk while Brody was working or he would mess the Warrant Officer up.

Skylak grinned. "She's really nice and pretty. She is an amazing cook. Her name is Clarice and she is a teacher in Central. Ever since I met her she has been talking about her students. She absolutely adores them. She can't wait to have kids of her own one day. I can't wait to get marry and have children. She'll be an amazing mother."

Aran chuckled. "Just wait, Skylak. You'll want to be working night shifts as soon as you get kids. They are great, but as babies, all they do is cry. You won't get any sleep at your house."

"Are your kids teenagers yet, Aran?" Breda asked.

"No. They are nine and seven." Aran replied, smiling fondly at the reminder of his kids. "Why?"

"Just wondering." Breda replied.

The blond lieutenant snorted. "No, he's wondering if you had to deal with a temperamental loud brat yet."

"Hey!" Edward snapped, but didn't get any farther as Brody glared at him and told him to hold still.

"Look, he knew who we were talking about without even having to say a name." Breda laughed.

Havoc snickered. "Think he finally realized how much of a brat he was when he first joined the military?"

"Why the hell did the Fuhrer send you two out here with me again?" Edward grumbled.

"Don't talk." Brody scolded. "You're going to mess me up."

"Because we have the most experience dealing with your attitude." Havoc suggested.

Edward glared at him. "Rhetorical question, Lieutenant."

"Not to be disrespectful or anything, sir, but do you know how to shut up?" Brody asked.

Havoc laughed. "You could tie him up and tape his mouth shut if he can't."

Brody whacked Edward on the head when he opened his mouth to retort. "Sorry for the disrespect, sir."

"You don't sound very sorry." Edward muttered. "And besides, I've been hit by lower ranking officers before."

"Still talking, I see." Brody replied.

"That wasn't us, was it?" Breda asked confused.

"I don't recall ever hitting you, chief. Glaring and yelling at you, but never hitting. Maybe throwing stuff at you, but you always dodged." Havoc added.

"It wasn't you. It was Second Lieutenant Maria Ross." Ed said slowly so not to mess Brody up.

"When was this?" Havoc groaned. "I wish I could have seen it. And why didn't I hear about it before?"

"I never reported it because she was right to hit me." Ed explained.

Brody froze in his work. "Why is that?"

"Because I refused to accept the help of anyone except my brother because we didn't want others to get hurt by getting involved with us." Edward replied.

"What did you do? I still don't recall any of this." Havoc said.

"You guys were still in East City when it happened. I was in Central. Ross and Brosh were my body guards because Scar was hunting me down. Al and I snuck out to go to laboratory five. Armstrong told us to stay away. That he would handle it." Edward explained.

Havoc hit his fist in his hand. "I remember now. This was just before Hughes was killed. You almost died of blood lost from some fight in the lab."

"Don't remind me. I had to use Scar's deconstruction attack method to win." Edward muttered.

"Didn't know that." Breda said. "Then again, we know barely anything about what you do on your crazy adventures."

Brody started poking at Ed's collar bone again. "Now that we had that great story, shut up so I can do this correctly."

Edward just stared at him. He couldn't really reply without causing Brody to become more exasperated with him. Around him the soldiers started talking about their girlfriends or wives again. It was probably, in Edward's guess, to annoy Havoc since he couldn't keep a girl. Liran was talking about his wife, Kristie, being a professional dancer and that she danced like an angel, which made him sound like Hughes did when he talked about his daughter and wife, when Edward began to get lost in thought. The needle pricking at his skin was the only thing he was conscious of.

Down in Rush Valley Winry was living with that weirdo, Garfiel, and working on automail. Her hands were rough from all her work with metal but Edward loved them still. Everything about her was unique and beautiful. Automail was her passion. She loved working on it. Designing new automail was a favorite pastime of hers. She would probably be working on new designs for him because she thinks he'll break her automail in this war. But, Edward smiled, who could blame her? He was always breaking her automail.

With Winry in Rush Valley, Granny Pinako was left alone to help Al get better. It has been almost a year since Al was restored to his body. His body isn't completely healthy yet, but it is getting there. Edward knew that as soon as Pinako gave him the all clear sign, Al was going to start training, in alchemy and martial arts, again. Al didn't really like fighting. He was a pacifist but continued to train as a way to get stronger to protect himself and others. And now that he had a body he was in more danger than before if he got into a fight with someone who had a knife or gun.

Thinking about Al and Winry made Edward realize that he does miss them. And it was possible that he made a mistake in leaving them to go to war. His brother just got his body back. He should be with Al, helping him get stronger and to train him when his body was ready. Five years of his life as a kid was wasted being a suit of armor and following his reckless brother. Why did he leave his brother after everything was fixed?

And Winry. How could he leave her? He loved her and left her for war because he wanted to help. She said he just wanted to be the hero all the time. Would he ever be able to settle down with her? He wanted to continue moving around though. But he also wanted to be with Winry. And now he is in war. He might not come back from this. He asked Winry to wait for him. Was that selfish of him to do when he might die? Was it selfish when he might be here for years?

Blink. Edward blinked again. A pair of blue eyes were standing over him and staring him in the face. The owner of the eyes had his face only a few inches from his. Edward blinked again. His mind was still a jumbled mess.

"Colonel?"

Hearing himself being addressed to made Edward scream in shock as he was ripped from his thoughts. He fell backwards off the log in shock. "Damn it, Lieutenant. What are you doing?"

"You shouldn't think so hard, Colonel. You'll end up bruising your brain." Havoc replied. "Brody has finished with your tattoo." He handed Edward his jacket and coat.

"Give me a damn heart attack." Edward grumbled as he pulled his military jacket back on.

"You're not even going to look at it." Brody sad offended. "I worked hard on that for you, Colonel."

Edward shrugged. "I'm cold."

Brody snorted. "He doesn't complain until after I'm done. Come here, sir. I have to put a bandage on the tattoo for a few days."

"Does anyone else feel weird calling someone at least five years younger than us sir?" Aran asked.

Murmurs of agreement came from all around the fire.

"Too bad you just have to deal with it." Edward said cheekily before leaving to go to his tent. "Like I have to." Sleep after a long day of dealing with his soldiers was complete bliss.

Abandoned on the ground of his tent was a muddy piece of paper. The only words written on it, _Dear Winry_.

A/N: Please Review!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

A/N: I really don't have a clue as to why I didn't update this sooner….Sorry for the wait.

Thanks for reviewing!

Return to Me

Chapter 8

"RETREAT!"

Making calls was the job of commanding officers. Major General Myers approved or rejected the plans of attack or defense from his subordinates that were in charge of troops in battle. That was his call to make. Fuhrer Mustang made the calls of going to war, signing peace treaties, and deciding who to promote. Colonel Elric decided when to launch his attacks, what he should and shouldn't tell his troop and sometimes his commanding officer, and when to call a retreat.

Retreat was not something he liked calling. It allowed the Drachmans to push further into Amestris. Drachma was taking their land when Amestrian soldiers were forced to retreat. It was a judgment call. A judgment call that was hard for a commanding officer to make. A commanding officer has to assess the battle going on and make the call.

To retreat was not giving up. A retreat means that the battle was lost, but not the war. It means live to fight another day. Calling a retreat will save the lives of soldiers. They may lose the land in that battle, but they can and will get it back. Amestrians do not quit. They do not surrender that easily.

"RETREAT!" Edward screamed again. He clapped his hands, a transmutation circle forming n his mind, and slammed them on the ground. Blue light flashed around as a wall started to sprout from the ground to shield his soldiers from the enemy as they retreated. As the wall was forming, Edward saw a Drachman raise his gun at him.

Pain flashed through Edward. Blood dripped on the ground in front of him, but he paid no attention to it. He didn't move until the wall was finished. Edward stayed low to the ground as he followed his soldiers, some wounded, some unwounded, into the trenches. The wall protected them as long as they stayed low. It wasn't the highest wall he's made.

*Return to Me*

"How many are wounded?" Edward demanded of the head medic, Dr. Syrian, when they made it back to the camp.

"Quite a few. None of them are in risk of dying. It's mostly minor wounds, gunshot wounds, stab wounds, and twisted or broken limbs." Dr. Syrian replied. "Now will you let me check your arm?"

Edward had refused treatment until all his injured were treated. He had even made it an order when they tried to argue. The bullet didn't break any bones. His men probably had worse injuries than him anyway.

"Fine." Edward said grudgingly. He shrugged his coat and jacket off and tossed them on a nearby cot. He peeled at the sleeve of his black long sleeved shirt where the bullet hit him. Blood had dried around the hole in his sleeve where he was shot. As he sat on the bed he noticed another jacket on the bed. "Doctor, whose jacket is this?"

Dr. Syrian didn't look up from inspecting Edward's arm, but still answered. "Lieutenant Havoc's. I guess he forgot it here."

"What is wrong with him?" Edward asked, holding back a hiss of pain from Dr. Syrian cutting his arm open some more to get the bullet out.

"Got himself shot in the shoulder." Dr. Syrian replied gruffly. "As I said, there were no serious injuries."

Looking at the doctor to see that he was distracted with his arm, Edward slid his hand slowly towards Havoc's jacket. He flipped the sleeve of the jacket out of the way and slipped two fingers into the pocket. His nerves senses told him that he hit something in the pocket and his fingers wrapped around it. He pulled out a box of cigarettes. He looked back at the doctor to see him dropping the bullet he pulled out in a small plastic tray.

As the doctor turned back to his arm Edward turned his eyes back to Havoc's jacket. He patted it down in a few places until his nerves told him that he hit a lump in the coat. His hand traveled inside the coat and found the hidden pocket there. He pulled out a green lighter and slid it into his pocket with the box of cigarettes.

"Thanks Doc." Edward said as soon as Dr. Syrian finished with his arm. He jumped off the cot and pulled his clothes back on. "I'll take Lieutenant Havoc his jacket back."

Edward was out of the medical tent before the doctor could say anything to him. He stopped a few feet outside the tent and looked around for his blond haired Lieutenant. "Lieutenant Havoc."

Havoc looked up from his conversation with Brody and Breda. As the teenager walked towards him he saw a bandage was on his cheek. "Yes Colonel?"

Edward dropped the military jacket on Havoc's head as he walked passed. "You forgot this in the medical tent."

"Thanks." Havoc said as Edward continued on his way to his tent.

Inside his tent, Edward sat on his bed with a cigarette in his hand. He had grabbed the lighter and cigarette on impulse. His soldiers smoked almost every night. The desire to smoke he did not understand. He had asked Havoc a few weeks ago why they smoked and he said it was a stress reliever. When Edward asked about the alcohol, Havoc laughed and said that they couldn't drink every night. They would always have hangovers, waste the alcohol, and being drunk all the time wasn't good, especially when in the middle of a war. It would leave them vulnerable to attacks from Drachma all the time. So to relieve the stress they smoked.

Edward had grabbed the cigarettes with the idea of trying to smoke now. It seemed to relieve the stress of his soldiers so it could work for him. The problem was that he didn't know how to smoke and wasn't sure if it was a good idea. He rolled the cigarette around in his hand as he thought about this.

"Colonel Elric!" Havoc snapped angrily as he entered the tent. "Did you think I wouldn't notice that my pockets were lighter?"

"Lieutenant Havoc, what do you think you are doing? No one gave you permission to come in here." Edward barked, jumping off his cot.

Havoc looked at his pack of opened cigarettes on the cot and then at the one in Edward's hand. "You want to smoke so badly that you took my cigarettes?"

"No." Edward said.

"I get it. You need a stress reliever like the rest of us." Havoc replied angrily.

Edward frowned. "I don't care for your tone, Lieutenant."

"I don't care for you stealing from me, Colonel." Havoc growled.

"Fine." Edward shoved the cigarette back in the box. "I haven't done anything yet."

Havoc snatched the box from Edward's hand and pulled the cigarette back out of the box. He shoved the tobacco stick into Edward's mouth before the boy could protest and snatched the lighter off of the cot. He grabbed Edward's chin to hold him still and clicked his lighter.

"Ha-voc." Edward mumbled around the cigarette.

"If you're going to steal you can at least use one." Havoc snapped as he pulled his own cigarette out and lit it. "But if you're going to smoke, you need to at least know how to. First you inhale, then take your cigarette out, take a deep breath, and exhale the smoke." When Edward looked hesitant at him, Havoc frowned. "You wanted this, now do it."

Edward followed all of Havoc's instructions and ended up in a coughing fit. Havoc stood unemotionally above him, blowing smoke out of his mouth easily. "It takes practice and a few cigarettes to get used to it." He said calmly.

"Damn it, Havoc." Edward scowled.

"Don't waste that cigarette." Havoc said, chewing on his cigarette. "It's going to be hard to get more cigarettes with this war."

Scowling, Edward clumsily put the cigarette back in his mouth. "I didn't even want it."

"Then why did you take them?" Havoc angrily sat on the cot and took his cigarette out of his mouth.

"You said that we can't always drink alcohol as a way to calm the nerves." Edward snapped, coughing a little from the smoke he inhaled from his cigarette. "You should have never introduced me to alcohol. If you hadn't, I would never have had the thought of smoking. I was fine before the alcohol and cigarettes."

"So you would rather deal with all the paranoia and nervousness, waiting for the next attack with no rest because you are so nervous and tense that you can't rest. You want to become so paranoid that you start suspecting your own comrades of betraying you, that they'll kill you. Do you want to become an anxious nut job? Your troop won't follow or trust you if you are so paranoid like that. They need someone with their head on straight to lead them. Alcohol and cigarettes are just to help you relax enough so you can rest. With rest you can think clearly." Havoc said.

Edward collapsed onto the cot, turning the cigarette over in his mouth with his tongue.

"I've known you for years, chief. I know that you have nightmares about everything you've seen. You try to hide it, but I've seen you when you come into the office the day you had a nightmare. You look like hell on those days. I could see the pain in your eyes from the dreams. You are in war now. Pain still shines in your eyes, but the pain from nightmares is still there. The pains look different in your eyes so I can tell that you still have them. You aren't getting enough rest because of those nightmares and you need all the rest you can get because battles can last for days and you won't get any sleep then." Havoc continued.

"I get it." Edward blew smoke out of his mouth and took a shuddering breath. "I get it. Alcohol and cigarettes are supposed to clear my mind of the war so I can sleep."

"We don't drink enough to get drunk, just to calm us down." Havoc said.

The two were quiet for a while as they smoked their cigarettes. Edward coughed once and a while from the smoke while Havoc supervised him to make sure he didn't cough up a lung. Havoc expertly blew circles of smoke out of his mouth while Edward glared at him and muttered show off.

"The next time you want a cigarette, chief, just ask. You don't have to steal them from me." Havoc said after fifteen minutes of silence.

Edward snorted. "What makes you think I'm going to want another?"

"They're addicting." Havoc replied, getting up from the cot. "And you'll probably realize that you like them and that they relieve you of stress soon. Just be sure to put the cigarette out when you're done."

Havoc looked at the edge of papers sticking out from under Edward's pillow. He grabbed one of them and looked at it. The only thing written on the one he had was, _Dear Winry_. "Have you sent any letters to your brother or Winry?"

Edward stomped out his cigarette. "No, I have no idea what to say. I can never get passed the greeting."

"You've been here for five months, Colonel. They'll want to hear from you. They are probably worried sick about not having any word from you." Havoc replied annoyed. He knew that if he had a girlfriend that he would be writing to her at every opportunity. He knew that she would want it, need it, to know that he was still alive. "Don't tell them about anything to do with the war. Just write to them about how you are, how the conditions are, ask about them, tell them that you missed them, anything really. Just so they know that you are still alive and thinking about them."

"I never wrote or called Winry when I was looking for the Philosopher Stone so why should I now?" Edward muttered.

Havoc rested his face in his hand, silently groaning. "Colonel, you can fight. You're a great alchemist. Strategically, academically, in life lessons, you're a genius. But when it comes to matters of the heart, you have to be the most idiotic person I have ever known."

"Remember who you are talking to, Lieutenant." Edward growled. He hated being thought of as ignorant, not as badly as he hated being called short that he would rant about it.

"Forget the ranks now, Ed. I'm teaching you here." Havoc growled. "You and Winry love each other. Don't bother denying it anymore." The Lieutenant silenced Edward's protests with one do-not-lie-to-me-anymore glare. "Winry has always waited for you and still is, is my guess. You've been worrying her for years with your search for the stone. But she knows there is a different between then and now that is making her worry more than ever."

Edward raised a brow with such elegance that it reminded Havoc of Mustang for a second. He would never tell Edward that thought because he valued his life.

"This is war. You are always in danger here. When you were on your search there were times when you weren't in danger, peaceful times where you just did research or missions with no real danger. She may not have known everything that you were doing, but at least then she knew you weren't always in danger. Though, you should have called or written her while on your search. Now she knows you are in war and always in danger. The least you can do for her is to write, tell her you're fine." Havoc explained, watching as Edward looked away from him with a pained look.

"I don't want to worry her, I know that." Edward paused. He took his glove off his automail hand and stared at it. "She'll be working on new automail for me. She loves automail. I….Lieutenant Havoc, can I tell you something? You can't repeat it to anyone."

Havoc nodded his head.

"I told my dad that I didn't get my limbs back because I didn't want to use all the stone because it would kill him." Edward said.

"I know that. You told me before." Havoc said confused.

Edward shook his head. "I wasn't done. It was only partially true. The other part of the reason why I didn't get my limbs back is Winry. She loves making new automail for me."

"So you kept your metal limbs to keep your girlfriend happy? Couldn't you have gotten at least one of your limbs back." Havoc asked.

"Probably, but it was safer not to." Edward replied.

"Oh, is there another reason?" Havoc asked sarcastically.

Edward scowled at him. "I was tired. That fight took hours. I was exhausted. Getting Al his body back was a huge transmutation. If I tried for my limbs it was likely that I would mess it up. My mind was beginning to shut down at that time."

Nodding his head, Havoc clapped Edward on the shoulder. "You should tell her that. She'll be glad to know that you trust and love her enough to tell her the truth."

"You seem to really want me to write this letter." Edward muttered.

"She has always waited for you. If you don't write, if you don't trust her enough to tell her these kinds of things, she won't be there for you. She will move on in her life." Halfway through his speech Edward had picked up a pen and started writing.

"Fine, ignore me. I don't care." Havoc cried.

Edward kept writing. He didn't even react to Havoc. It was like he didn't hear him. Nodding his head at his success, Havoc put out his cigarette and left the tent to let Edward write in peace.

_Dear Winry _

_ I'm sorry it took me so long to write to you. I wasn't sure what to say to you. Lieutenant Havoc knocked some sense into me though. He found all the letters I started to write but discarded. Which then got me a huge lecture from MY LIEUTENANT! Because of him and Lieutenant Breda I don't feel like the commander here. Oh, I never told you. Fuhrer Mustang gave me my own troop to lead. None of my soldiers were happy about having someone my age lead them. But I've managed to win them over and earn their trust and respect. Lieutenant Havoc and Lieutenant Breda taught me the military procedures I needed to know. And Lieutenant Breda gave me some lessons on strategy. He is really smart, especially in the field of strategy. Sometimes we even plan together since I still need work in that field. _

_ It's cold here, but I'm getting used to it. You and Al are always on my mind when I can think freely without my soldiers badgering me or gunshots raining down around me. I miss you, Winry. I miss not being able to see you whenever I want. _

_And since I know you will ask, no my automail is not broken. It is working perfectly and keeping me safe. I did get shot in the port of my arm, but don't worry. It only left a dent. That is the only thing that has happened to my automail. I swear I am taking care of it. I oil it whenever I can. _

_I spoke to Lieutenant Havoc about why I didn't get my limbs back. He said if I trusted you enough then I should tell you this. So here it goes, Winry, I didn't want my limbs back because I know you love working with my limbs. You always get so excited when telling me about my new limbs and how the design is different. To see you that excited makes me happy. I kept them to see that enthusiastic smile again. _

_I have to go now. I love you, Winry. Stay safe. _

_Edward _

_P.S. I promise I'll return to you. _

Edward folded the letter up and put it in an envelope. He quickly scrawled her name and addressed on it before pulling another piece of paper towards him.

_Dear Al, _

_ Sorry about not writing to you sooner. I was being an idiot, according to Lieutenant Havoc anyway. I wasn't sure of what to say in this letter. Lieutenant Havoc decided to give me a lecture when he found the letters I started but never finished. Can you believe it? My Lieutenant, who, might I add, is three ranks below me, lectured me. He and Lieutenant Breda barely act like I'm the commanding officer. (By the way, Fuhrer Mustang made me the commanding officer of a troop with Breda and Havoc as my First Lieutenants so they could teach me. It is obviously weird for one commanding officer to have two First Lieutenants.) It's probably because they've known me for years._

_ Lieutenant Havoc and Lieutenant Breda saw me kiss Winry at the train station. They are teasing me about it. I tried to deny it all but they don't believe me. And they found the locket that Winry gave me to keep safe. It feels like Winry is watching over me when I wear the locket. I know that sounds weird and so superstitious which you know I don't believe in superstitions. But it does feel like she is watching me. I didn't tell Winry that so don't mention it to her. _

_ I'm fine. I haven't gotten seriously injured once here. Only minor wounds here and there. It's my men I'm worried about. They have fiancées, girlfriends, wives, kids, siblings, friends all back home. I don't want any of them to die. I don't want their loved ones to feel the pain of losing someone, Al. You know how hard it was for us. I know I can't protect them. I just needed to tell someone that wouldn't laugh or mock me about being worried and scared for my soldiers. I just don't want another family to be ripped apart like ours and Winry's and like how Elicia lost her father. _

_ How have you been, Al? Have you gotten any stronger since I last saw you? Granny Pinako should be taking really good care of you._

Edward paused in his writing and looked at his covered hands. His white gloves were filthy and beginning to tear from him wearing them all the time, including when he slept. He was trying to keep himself as warm as possible in this cold.

_If you could, Al, can you get me a new pair of gloves and send them to me? Mine are becoming worn out up here. Thanks baby brother. I love and miss you._

"Colonel!"

Edward looked up from his letter as Breda rushed into his tent. "Lieutenant Breda, what do you….."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, sir, but the Drachmans have been spotted. They are still pushing through." Breda replied.

_Sorry, I have to go now Al. _

_Edward _

"Damn it. We only just retreated. My men can't fight now. They are tired and injured." Edward swore under his breath. He dumped his letters and pen on his cot. "Lieutenant Breda, have anyone who isn't seriously injured and can fire a gun straight surround the camp. Be ready for anything."

Breda grabbed Edward's shoulder to stop him. "Where are you going?"

Edward pushed Breda's hand off his shoulder. "To build a wall." He ran out of the tent before Breda could stop him again.

"Where is the Colonel?" Brody yelled over the sound of gunfire. A wall had been put up around the camp to protect them and those that were too injured to help.

Breda ducked behind the wall to reload his gun. "He said he was going to build a wall. He ran off after he said that so I don't know where he went."

"Damn it." Brody swore angrily.

Blue light erupted around the area followed by screams of pain and the sound blood splattering the ground.

"Alchemy." Havoc said when he saw the light. "That would be Colonel Elric." He looked over the edge of the wall to see spikes that had impaled some of the soldiers. Others were trapped behind the wall of spikes. Havoc looked through his scope and fired. His bullet hit one of spike and ricocheted off it, hitting one of the Drachmans in the shoulder.

Brody fired off the rest of his rounds in his shot gun before dropping back down behind the wall. "Where the hell is he? For all we know he could be dead."

"I'm sure he is fine." Breda said, ducking below the wall to avoid the gunfire raining through the air. "He's just hiding somewhere so he can attack the Drachmans more easily. This type of recklessness is his specialty."

"Damn it. We were supposed to keep him from doing this type of thing." Havoc swore under his breath.

"Oh, and giving him alcohol isn't reckless?" Breda snapped. "The Fuhrer is going to kill us if he learns about any of this."

"This isn't helping." Brody snapped before raising himself over the wall again and firing at the Drachmans. "In case you didn't notice, we are pinned down. We can't leave this area. Our comrades are injured."

Edward sat on a tree branch in a tree, hidden by leaves, as he watched the invading Drachmans. He had already formed a wall, then a wall of spikes. Drachman bodies hanged off of the spikes, blood rolling down the spikes, while comrades of the Drachmans were blocked out of the camp by the spikes. If they tried to get over the spikes they were shot by the Amestrians before they could make it completely over the spikes.

The young Colonel drew his firearm from the holster on his waist and immediately shot a Drachman in the head. Enemy soldiers around the Drachman he shot stopped and looked for where the bullet came from since the bullet hit the Drachman in the back of the head. Edward balanced his gun on the tree branch he was kneeling on. He silently clapped his hands and put one of them on the trunk of the tree. The roots of the tree shot out from the ground and stabbed the stalled soldiers. Soldiers around them turned their attention to the tree and fired shot after shot after shot at the tree.

As soon as Edward finished his transmutation he twisted around the trunk of the tree to drop behind the tree, hand grabbing the gun as he went. He kneeled behind the trunk, covering his head with his automail hand as the bullets filled the air around him. Bark from the tree flew through the air, slicing at Edward's skin and clothes from the speed it was being ripped from the trees at. As soon as there was a break in the gunfire, Edward brought his hands down and clapped them. A wall formed along the area he was at. He laid down on the ground and army crawled along the wall to get out of the danger zone.

He moved along the wall as silently as he could so he could listen to what the enemy was doing on the other side of the wall. His automail clicked as he moved. Metal against metal in his arm and leg. It was hard to sneak around all the time with metal limbs. They always made noises. As he was crawling the sound of guns and feet nearing him worried him so he clapped his hands and put them on the wall. Spikes launched themselves from the walls. Blood splattering the ground and the sound of metal hitting the ground followed. Quietly, Edward continued down the path next to the wall.

The sound of more footsteps made Edward freeze. Multiple footsteps could be heard all around. They didn't sound like they were coming towards him though. From the speed of them it sounded like they were retreating and the fact that the footsteps were getting quieter and quieter also gave some belief to the fact that they were leaving. Not wanting to be foolish or anything, Edward waited until the footsteps were almost impossible to hear before lifting himself off the ground to look over the wall. Drachman bodies littered the ground with blood pooling around them.

Sighing in relief, Edward got up and carefully made his way through the area full of dead bodies. His gun stayed clenched in his fist as his eyes continually roamed all sides to make sure that no one was around that was an enemy.

"They retreated." Havoc said.

"They had more men than us attacking since we were just beaten by them. A lot of us are injured, too injured to fight back, which isn't surprising since we only retreated about twelve hours ago." Aran explained. He looked back into the forest that the Drachmans came from. "What made them retreat?"

"We'll probably never know." Havoc replied.

"So what should we do with all these bodies?" Brody asked.

"Burn them." Edward growled as he jumped over the wall that was defending the camp. "Burn them all to hell."

"That's kind of dark for you." Breda observed.

Edward shrugged and held his hand out towards Havoc, who rolled his eyes. "I knew you would be coming back. I just didn't think it would be this soon. Then again, I wasn't expecting this attack." He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket with his lighter and tossed both of them to Edward.

"You gave him cigarettes." Breda said incredulously.

"He wanted them and he is the superior here." Havoc replied nonchalantly with a shrug. "And besides, this is only his second one."

Edward blew smoke out of his mouth, coughing a little as he did, and tossed the lighter back to Havoc. "Gather the bodies into a pile and burn them. The Drachmans won't give our comrades proper funerals so why should we?"

"Can you get rid of the walls and spikes you made?" Aran asked.

Overall there were six dead Drachmans and a few limbs lying around. It seems that Edward's spike decided to cut limbs off the enemy instead of killing them. It was slightly disgusting to see all those limbs covered in blood with no body.

Edward looked away from the burning flesh. The smell was horrible. He could never understand how Mustang could stand burning all those people up with his Flame Alchemy. The smell practically made him feel like he needed to throw up. But he did not regret burning the Drachmans. It wasn't like he was burning them alive like Mustang did. They were the ones to attack them. They were the ones that were pushing into Amestris, killing soldiers and civilians. His brother and girlfriend were civilians. He would protect this country to keep them and everyone else safe from this horrible enemy.

A/N: Please Review!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I don't know why I waited so long to upload this. I have had it done since last summer.

Hope you like the chapter. It was frustrating to upload this since stupid Word was messing everything up.

Thanks for the reviews!

"Talking"

_Thought_

Return to Me

Chapter 9

_Edward, _

_ YOU IDIOT! I HAVE BEEN WORRIED SICK! How could you not write to me sooner? I understand that you are busy with the war and that you didn't know what to say. Edward, I don't care what you say in these letters. I just want you to write to me so I know that you are okay, even if it is just one sentence. Just write so I know that you are alive. Give Lieutenant Havoc my thanks for knocking sense into you. I really don't know what Fuhrer Mustang was thinking letting a reckless punk like you lead a troop. He must really trust you and I can understand why. You are very loyal to him, even if you don't want to believe or admit it. I can see that you are. It's part of the reason you stayed in the military. You are one of his best. It's surprising to hear you admit that Lieutenant Breda knows more about strategy than you. You hate admitting that anyone is better than you. _

_ I've been burying myself in working on automail to distract myself from worrying about you. Whenever I wasn't working I felt myself thinking about you. Paninya and Garfiel have been helping me to distract myself from worrying to death about you. I talk to Al two or three times a week. He's upset that you haven't written either. You are worrying both us so much. Please be careful, Edward. Al and I won't be able to stand losing someone else we love. We'll continue living like you would want, but it would be hard. We miss you so much that it hurts. I wish I could see you again, spend some more time with you. _

_ You better be taking care of your automail. If you ruin your automail you won't have to worry about dying in that war, Edward Elric. I will hunt you down and do it myself. Keep an eye on that dent in your arm. It could get worse as time goes on. I'm not there to inspect the dent so I can't be sure. If you think it is getting worse or if it hurts get it checked by a mechanic. There should be automail mechanics around to check these kinds of things. Don't wait until your arm breaks completely before getting it looked at. I know you will do that if I don't tell you not to. Don't do it. It could get you killed or in a seriously bad situation. I don't want you to die so please keep an eye on it. _

_ Edward, I'm not sure how to feel about you keeping your automail for me. I was waiting for the moment when you came home with you real limbs back. I would have loved to see you with your real limbs back because I knew you would be happy to have them back. Automail hurts, I know it does, but you always pull through the pain. I'm sure you would love your limbs back. Seeing you happy with your real limbs would make me happy. But, Ed, I love that you would do that for me. It is so sweet. I didn't peg you as one to be that selfless. Someone who had the chance to get his real limbs back after learning how much automail hurts after five years of dealing with it, I thought you would have gotten rid of them. _

_ I will continue to work on automail for you, Edward. My automail skills will become so much better so I can make new and improved automail for you. Automail that will help keep you safe. I know that I will see you here before this war is over to get new automail. You can't ever keep your automail intact. _

_ Don't tell me to stay safe. You are the one in war. Please stay safe. You are always in my heart. I love you. _

_Winry_

_P.S. I promise I will always wait for you. _

A smile spread across Edward's face. He reread the letter again. The emotion that Winry put into writing the letter could be felt by Edward. It filled the young Colonel up with so much happiness that she still cared and was waiting for him. He looked at the oil that Winry sent with her letter for his automail. She was really looking out for him. He slid the letter back in the envelope and grabbed the small box from Al. Opening it, Edward found a new pair of black gloves on top of the pile. Edward pulled his old, worn gloves off and pulled his new black ones on. He usually wore white, but he guessed his brother thought it was time for a change. Below the gloves was a letter and a bag of cookies.

_Brother, _

_ I really wish you would have written me sooner. I've been worried sick about you. It's only thanks to Fuhrer Mustang that I haven't gone charging up there to find out why you haven't written to me at all. He's been keeping me informed about how you are and I've been passing the information onto Winry. Even with him in Central and you all the way up north he can still keep tabs on you. That must annoy you a lot. Tell Lieutenant Havoc thanks for me. I'm glad someone is there to knock sense into you. Fuhrer Mustang making you a commanding officer was the funniest thing ever, brother. I don't know what he was thinking making someone like you a leader of a troop. You have never worked well with others. _

_ If I saw you kiss Winry and didn't know you were dating her until then I would tease you too. They must have been really shocked to see that. That locket isn't protecting you, brother. It feels like it is because of love. You are in love with Winry. She may not be with you but it feels like she is always with you now. She is always in your heart and you are always in her heart. That's what is making you feel like she is watching over you. It's all looove. _

_ I understand that you are worried about your troop. You always worry about everyone else, but never yourself. Brother, they are your concern. They are your men, but you should also worry about yourself. You are in as much trouble as them and have a life back home to. You have me and Winry waiting for you. You have a girlfriend waiting for you like the men in your troop. It will be hard for everyone to learn that their loved ones died in the war, but they will get over it. They have to. And if they don't, that is not your problem. You can't solve everyone's problems, brother. They have to learn on their own. _

_ I've been so bored here, big brother. There isn't anything to do here. I think I've developed a love of travel from traveling with you the past few years. I've been spending my time studying more alchemy. Fuhrer Mustang sent me some books on alkahestry that he found. I'm continuing my studies on it. As soon as I'm strong enough I'm thinking about traveling to Xing. May said she would teach me more if I went to Xing. Granny Pinako says that I'm going to be strong enough to get back to training soon. My body is weak though. I might have to go get training form Teacher again to work up my stamina and energy again since you aren't here before I head to Xing. I want to be able to handle the journey. That is my plan at least. I hope you don't mind that I'm leaving. _

_By the way, the cookies are from Granny Pinako. And I got you black gloves because black will make it harder for you to see the blood covering your hands. Take care, big brother. I hope to see you soon._

_Alphonse _

Edward tossed a cookie into his mouth before looking over his brother's letter again with a small smile. When he was done he folded the letter up and put it back in the envelope then put it and Winry's in an inside pocket of his military jacket.

"Colonel Elric."

_Time to get back to work. _Edward sighed. His time to rest was diminishing each day, slowly but surely. "Come in."

Aran pushed the flaps of the tent back as he came in. The communication radio was bouncing on his back as he walked in. The phone from the radio pack was in his hand. "Major General Myers for you, sir."

Edward swung his legs over the edge of the cot as he sat up. He took the phone from the extended hand. "Colonel Elric here, sir."

"We're launching a surprise attack on the advancing Drachma troops, Colonel Elric." Major General Myers said roughly and straight to the point like always.

"Is this a wise idea? Drachma has been forcing us to retreat a lot." Edward replied.

"Which is why we're attacking. They will not take North City from us. We are pushing them back. This will be a joint attack. Colonel Clarink and Colonel Larne and their troops will be attacking with you. Colonel Clarink will be in charge of the attack." Major General Myers explained.

"Understood sir. I will do my job and prepare my troop but I don't have to agree with this." Edward replied.

"You won't always agree with everything you are ordered to do, Colonel. You just have to do it. Your troops will be spread out among five miles. Colonel Clarink will give you the rest of the details." Major General Myers said.

"Of course sir." Edward tried to say normally but it sounded like he was growling at his superior. His men were tired from a battle that lasted three days. Some of them were too injured for another attack and were being transported to a hospital in North City.

Edward threw the phone back to Aran before rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Warrant Officer Aran, tell the men to start preparing themselves for an attack."

"Yes sir. When is the attack?" Aran asked.

"I don't know. Just tell them to begin preparation." Edward ordered.

*Return to Me*

"Lieutenant Havoc." Edward snapped as he strolled through the camp.

Havoc put his cigarette out and jumped to his feet. "Yes Colonel?"

Edward jerked his head towards his tent.

"What is it, Colonel Elric? I don't think we have time for this. We are supposed to be leaving soon with the attack starting in five hours." Havoc said.

The Colonel shook his head, looking away from his Lieutenant. He had his back to Havoc. "We are not going anywhere."

Havoc blinked, and blinked again with a frown. "But sir, these are direct orders from Major General Myers."

"I know." Edward rubbed his eyes and turned to his Lieutenant. "I am going with all my uninjured troops to the frontlines for this major attack. You are taking the injured and retreating back to Aquinas. This is going to be a big attack. I want to know that my injured men are away from all possible danger before it is launched. I don't have much faith in Colonel Clarink's plan of attack so I am moving my injured men out of the line of fire. You are to lead them away."

"Sir, I feel I should stay here and assist you." Havoc objected, though he was proud of Edward for thinking about his men, unlike some commanding officers who don't care about their soldiers. They don't see their soldiers as human beings with lives outside the military.

"No, Lieutenant. Lieutenant Breda will be here to assist me. I need one of you to go with the injured. It has to be one of you because it has to be someone I trust greatly. I trust my men, but I've known you two longer and have a better knowledge of your abilities. You will be going with the injured to get them safely out of the line of fire. That's an order, Lieutenant Havoc." Edward barked. "A team of five medics will be going with you while the others stay here to assist us."

Reluctantly, Havoc nodded his head. He didn't want to let Edward out of his sight. The kid was really reckless when left to his own devices. But Breda would be here. He trusted Breda to keep an eye on him. "Understood sir."

"I already have the team of medics going with you ready. They are getting the injured ready to go. You leave in thirty minutes. I can't send any men with you that aren't injured. I need them all here so hopefully you don't meet any trouble on your way to Aquinas." Edward explained.

"You shouldn't underestimate your men." Havoc replied cheekily. "They are stronger than you realize. If we are attacked they won't go down without a fight. We will all fight until the end."

Edward smirked. "That's good to hear."

*Return to Me*

Gunfire rained through the air coming from two directions. The volume of the artillery was so old to Edward that he didn't feel like he was going to go deaf or get a headache from it anymore. He just kept his focus on controlling the machine gun while Warrant Officer Johan helped with his ammunition belt. Around him his soldiers were helping their comrades with the ammunition belts of other machine guns or using shotguns and rifles to file at the enemy Drachmas.

The attack began six and a half hours ago when the three troops divided up across the five miles. Edward's team was on the left flank of the attack. Fuhrer Mustang's informants (_Where the hell did he get all the informants?_) had informed them that the Drachmans were planning to advance forward and take Aquinas from them. Colonel Clarink came up with the brilliant idea to attack them before they attacked again. He decided that they would spread out for five miles with three troops to act as a wall to hold the Drachmas back and cause them as much damage as possible to keep them from attacking Aquinas anytime soon. It was a good idea, but Edward's troop has been out here for almost seven months fighting nonstop. Colonel Clarink and Colonel Larne have been on leave from war for two weeks so they and their troops were well rested. Edward wasn't sure how much longer his troops could last without a peaceful break.

A pause in the gunfire allowed Edward time to scope out the area around them. The Amestrian troops were hiding in trenches, while the unprepared Drachmas were forced to use their surroundings as a shield against the attacking Amestrians. Bodies littered the ground of no man's land. Edward noticed that some of the bodies were still twitching. They were still alive. The Drachmans just didn't care about their comrades to go help them or put them out of their misery. They just let them bleed to death. As he looked around he noticed the black uniforms of Drachman soldiers slinking around, trying to get closer to the trenches.

"They're charging us, sir!" Brody yelled from his position. He was in control of a machine gun some ways down from Edward.

"OPEN FIRE!" Edward screamed. He felt his body shaking as he started firing the machine gun again. The speed from the gun being fired rapidly like this was intense and making his small frame shake. His teeth were even clattering from it. No attention was spared to pay attention to that though. Edward was concentrating on hitting the enemy that was getting closer and closer to them.

This was bad and Edward knew it. He's been in enough fights to know nothing good could come from your enemy moving as far away from you as possible or getting as close to you as possible. Something was up and whatever it was, it wasn't going to do any favors for Amestris.

"Warrant Officer Aran!" Edward screamed.

Aran looked up at his Colonel as he dropped down into the trench. "Yes sir?"

"Get me Colonel Clarink on the line." Edward screamed over the gunfire.

It was another ten minutes before Colonel Clarink got on the line. The first two times that Aran tried to call they didn't pick up the line. When Colonel Clarink's communication expert finally picked up the line it took him three minutes to get Colonel Clarink on the line. And when he did get on he did not sound happy.

"Colonel Clarink, we should pull back. We've done enough damage to the Drachmas. If we stay here any longer it will allow Drachma reinforcements to arrive. We won't be able to take on the reinforcements as well. It's too much. We've caused enough damage." Edward argued into the radio phone.

"We will not pull back, Colonel Elric. We have a chance to do serious damage to these bastards and we are going to do it. I don't care what you think. You aren't in charge here. You're just a brat who Fuhrer Mustang favors, his little pet. That's the only reason you're a Colonel. Now you are going to do as I say and continue attacking. Those Drachman bastards won't know what hit them. Stop being a coward and push those Drachmas back now." Colonel Clarink snapped angrily.

Edward frowned. He plugged his free ear so he could hear better. "You're being an idiot, Clarink. How the hell did you ever become a Colonel? This is too cocky. Drachma reinforcements are on the way, I know it. And the Drachmas that we just attacked that are left are trying to get closer to us. They are planning something. You have to think. Stop being an idiot. It's time to end the attack. We've already done a lot of damage to them. They won't be trying to take Aquinas for a while. It's time to stop."

"When you are in charge of an attack you can make those kinds of calls, but you aren't in charge here. I am and I'm not going to call off an attack because you have a gut feeling that they are going to do something horrible. This is war." Colonel Clarink snapped before the line went dead.

"DAMN IT!" Edward yelled, throwing the phone back to Aran. "That idiot is going to get us all killed."

Breda dropped down next to Edward once his magazine was empty. "What do you want to do, sir?"

Edward bit on his thumb as he thought. "Damn it. Screw the orders. Begin to move back. I'm not going to let my troop die just because Clarink is too blind to see the danger coming."

"Now that is the Fullmetal I know. Defying orders." Breda smirked.

"Contact the other units in my troop and tell them to fall back." Edward ordered Aran.

"Colonel Elric, I thought we were retreating!" Aran screamed over the gunfire after the troop began to fall back, still firing at the Drachmans to keep them back as they retreated.

Edward stood next to the trench. He looked over his shoulder briefly to watch his troop retreating. Aran stayed near him with Breda. Both were looking at him confused, but there was a glimpse of suspicion in Breda's eyes. "Go, now. I'll catch up." He looked at the soldiers that were kneeling on the ground letting off round after round against the Drachmans to allow their comrades time to escape. "I have to make sure everyone escapes. Go!"

"No, we stay with you until you leave." Aran snapped loyally.

"You have a family back home." Edward growled.

Aran drew his gun quickly and shot over Edward's head. The young Colonel whipped around to find a dead Drachma on the ground near him. "Yes, I have a family. I am not going back to them and saying that I left my commanding officer to die. And I'm not planning to die here. Besides, you have a family waiting for you as well."

Edward didn't reply. He lowered himself closer to the ground and motioned for Breda and Aran to get down as well. The sound of gunfire died down. Looking around Edward noticed that the soldiers who stayed behind to guard their comrades as they escaped had lowered their guns and that the Drachmas had disappeared. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen soon.

The young Colonel felt his breathing pick up as his heart rate increased. Waiting for an attack was never enjoyable. He wished they would just make their move already. When they were attacking he managed to stay calm because he had something to distract himself with, but it was the waiting that got to the soldiers. Waiting in anticipation was always worrying. His ears strained to hear anything that would alert him to the Drachmans and where they were.

"Shit!" Breda yelled.

Edward's eyes turned to Breda with a wild, alert look in his eyes. "What?"

Breda pointed his finger ahead. "Bombs."

Edward whipped back around to see grenades being launched at them rapidly, probably from a grenade launcher. He tried to open his mouth to yell a warning, but his jaw refused to work. But what did it matter? The grenades were flying towards them faster than he could shout out a warning anyway. But that didn't mean he had no time to do nothing. His hands slammed together than onto the ground. The best he could do was create a wall to shield them. The ground shook violently from the explosions on the other side of the wall where the grenades landed. Cracks began to appear in his wall from the force of the explosions. But the wall had given him all the time he needed.

"EVERYONE GET OUT OF HERE NOW!" Edward yelled. He looked up into the sky quickly to see more grenades, but this time, they were coming over the wall. "Oh, shit."

The next minute went by so quickly that Edward wasn't sure of everything that happened; even when he tried to think about it later he wasn't all too sure about what really happened and what was just his imagination. Fact, he knew he got tackled from behind by someone. That someone forced him to stay on the ground, using his body to protect him from the violent explosions from the grenades. Possibly fiction or fact, the soldiers he ordered to leave stayed to face the grenade explosions. Fact, he lost men in those explosions. There was no denying that. He had seen the battered, bleeding, burned bodies himself as he was forcibly dragged away from the area by Aran and Breda. Possibly fiction or fact, he had seen his life flash before his eyes in that moment of terror. Fact, the Drachmans were going to pay greatly for this. They had killed his men. His men that had made it through every battle with him. His men that had families and friends waiting for them.

Their sacrifices would not be in vain.

A/N: Please Review!


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Thanks for the reviews!

"Talking"

_Thought _

Return to Me

Chapter 10

Major General Myers was not happy. Anyone with half a mind could see that with the way he was pacing around the room with hands clasped behind his back, occasionally shooting an irritated glare at the three Colonels who had just recently entered the room. This glare was directed more towards only two of them though.

Sitting around the table with equally irritated and disappointed glares was General Armstrong. Her companions, Brigadier General Douglas and Brigadier General Luke, around the table looked more uncaring towards the situation.

"Colonel Clarink, Colonel Larne, do one of you care to tell me how you both lost almost over half your troop in an invasion planned by us?" Myers all but barked at the two older Colonels in the room.

Edward almost winced at the angry tone in Myers's voice. They had been ordered to North City just after the attack ended. The only good thing about this order was that it gave Edward and his troop a two week break. It was bad because they were ordered back to speak with Major General Myers who learned of their success but failure at the same time. Getting your men killed was a huge failure in his eyes. Despite his rude and gruff way of speaking the first time they met, Edward found it amazing that this man actually valued life.

"We weren't expecting to have the Drachma reinforcements bombard us with grenades. It was a surprise attack." Colonel Clarink said defensively.

"Then why did Colonel Elric only lose seven men in his troop during this surprise attack? You were all on the same playing field. Surely he should have lost more men." Major General Myers snapped.

Out of the corner of his eye Edward saw Colonel Clarink send him a glare.

"Colonel Elric went against orders and began a retreat." Colonel Clarink replied.

Nodding his head, Major General Myers turned to Edward. "Care to explain, Colonel?"

"Sir, I suggested to Colonel Clarink that we retreat because we already caused a lot of damage by that point and Drachma reinforcements would be arriving soon. The Drachmas were obviously planning a counter attack. I thought it would be best that we left then." Edward explained.

"And Colonel Clarink's reply?" General Armstrong asked, or more like demanded. She was just daring Clarink's reply to be something hurtful to the young Colonel. The damn boy had grown on her as much as he did to Mustang. "And in his exact words?"

Edward bit the inside of his cheek with a worried frown. He could remember exactly what Colonel Clarink said. And both he and General Armstrong knew that. It was just another thing that was weird about him. Armstrong knew this about him because once he got passed her hating him and not trusting him and he no longer felt scared of her he constantly quoted things to her that he read or heard. Because of that and his analytical mind she said he would be of more use in the investigation department. Edward always thought she was insinuating something when she said that.

"Well, Fullmetal?" General Armstrong snapped impatiently.

Sighing, Edward sent a glance at Colonel Clarink. He wasn't one to normally do something like this, but Armstrong was a higher up and he had to obey her. He knew he couldn't lie and say he didn't remember because she knew that he remembered. "'We will not pull back, Colonel Elric. We have a chance to do serious damage to these bastards and we are going to do it. I don't care what you think. You aren't in charge here. You're just a brat who Fuhrer Mustang favors, his little pet. That's the only reason you're a Colonel. Now you are going to do as I say and continue attacking. Those Drachman bastards won't know what hit them. Stop being a coward and push those Drachmas back now.'" He said with complete certainty and a stoic expression. His eyes were locked on General Armstrong, not daring to move towards the other two Colonels.

"Pet?" General Armstrong said disgusted.

Edward shrugged. "I've been called worst-"

General Armstrong shook her head and sent a very nasty frown at Colonel Clarink. Either Edward didn't know what they meant by pet or he really was called worst. A pet was someone who gave sexual favors to someone whether they wanted to or not. They were basically owned by someone. How could the kid be so calm about being called that? She expected him to be furious. She knows that he has a horrible temper. It was a surprise that he hasn't yelled at any of his superiors yet since he came back.

"Make as many enemies as I have and you get used to the horrible names." Edward finished.

"Despite his age, Colonel Clarink, Fullmetal is extremely intelligent, strong, loyal, and above all, an expert in battle. He knows what he is talking about and can read the movements of his opponents. Fuhrer Mustang has even told me that Fullmetal can get inside the enemy's head and think like them to know what his enemy's next plan will be before even they know. He bases his plans on the enemy's plan. He attacks like they would attack. It confuses the enemy as to why their enemy is attacking like them. Fullmetal is a valuable soldier. This is the first time he has lost men. And do you know why that is?" General Armstrong stood up, walked around the table, and stopped in front of Colonel Clarink with a calm expression, but the fire could be seen in her eyes. "Because he isn't an idiot like you. He cares about his men. He wants to see them go back home to their families and friends. He has faced a lot of horrors in his life. Those experiences are what makes him the great leader he is. Those experiences are what taught him and are helping him save this county from Drachma. Your tactics are not helping. They are killing our men. We are here to push Drachma back. Men will die during this war. We all know that. But if you know that enemy reinforcements are coming, especially with more artillery, and you have a chance to retreat, you retreat. Those men died following an idiot like you because you were too over-confident. You can't be over-confident here. You need to think. You are not the only one that will be affected by your decisions."

The young Colonel now avoided all eye contact with General Armstrong. He wasn't used to her praising him. It was always insults with her. She always said something in the way of an insult towards him whether it be towards his height, attitude, his red coat that he no longer wore, his abilities, or anything. She always found something to insult about him. Praising wasn't something she did easily.

"I understand, sir. I made a mistake." Colonel Clarink replied with a tone full of sincerity. But it could be clearly seen in his eyes that he doesn't regret his choice and still thinks he made the right call.

*Return to Me*

Clarink shoved passed Ed as they walked down the hall after the meeting. "Thanks a lot, you brat."

Edward stopped walking and glared at Clarink's retreating back. "Don't blame me for you incompetence and idiocy. It was your own stupidity that got you in this mess, not my actions. I just did the right thing, so you're mad at me. I get points while you lose them. This is all just a game to you. If you do a good job, then maybe you'll get promoted. That's what you're thinking, isn't it? You don't even care about this country. You're just another power seeking bas-"

SLAM!

The young Colonel felt the air leave his lungs in a gust of air. He stared up into Clarink's eyes with wide, shocked eyes. An argument was what he was expecting, but being attacked by a comrade was not something he would expect. A hand that was wrapped around his neck was keeping him pinned against the wall. Edward grabbed at Clarink's wrist to try to pull his hand off.

"What do you know, you brat? You don't know anything about the military. You've never cared about the military. I know your story. Joined as a state alchemist at twelve for your own selfish needs. The military needs never mattered to you. So why should they now? It's real rich for you to lecture me when you don't even care about what happens in the military." Clarink snarled right in Edward's face. His warm breath smacked Edward in the face, tickling the boy's nose.

Edward clawed weakly at Clarink's hand. His head was beginning to feel lightheaded. If Clarink didn't stop soon, he was sure to pass out. "Can't….b-breathe."

The hand around his throat tightened.

"Cla-rink." Edward murmured weakly.

"Clarink, what the hell do you think you are doing?" General Armstrong snapped as she strolled angrily down the hallway. "Release him now."

"General Armstrong! Why am I not surprised that this boy is a pet to you too?"

Ed cracked his eyes opened. Clarink was looking off to the side at something with a slightly fearful look. He kicked out at Clarink with his metal leg, hitting him in the side. The strength of his kick shocked Clarink and caused him to drop Ed, who fell to the ground, hacking for air. He climbed to his feet and sent an angry glare at Clarink as he rubbed at his neck.

"Colonel Clarink, how dare you attack a comrade?" Armstrong said angrily.

It was the only thing that Edward heard before he was running off down the hallway. Armstrong could handle that. He just wanted out of headquarters before he would do something he would regret, well maybe not regret, but get in trouble for.

Rubbing his sore neck, Edward pushed the bar door open and looked around. Far as he knew, some of his comrades came here to get drunk while on leave while he was in his meeting. And Edward was looking for a particular Lieutenant. He needed to know for sure what happened that day.

"Breda!" Edward called when he found the lieutenant with some of his comrades drinking and playing poker around a table. He dropped down into a chair across from Warrant Officer Forman (a young man in his early thirties standing at six feet one inch with long black hair tied back in a pony tail and deep blue eyes from the war).

"Have a nice meeting, Colonel?" Forman asked respectfully.

"Oh, it was a blast." Edward said sarcastically, subconsciously rubbing his neck again, which drew attention to it in the dim lit bar.

"Must have been." Havoc growled from next to Edward. He poked Edward's neck. "What happened to your neck? It's all red and looks like a hand print."

Edward slapped Havoc's hand away with a frown. "Just a disagreement." He turned back to Breda. "What happened?"

Breda put his cards down and looked at him with a frown. "You mean at the end of the attack when we were retreating?"

"What else would I mean?" Edward snapped.

"Grouchy much." Aran muttered.

Breda sighed, already used to a temperamental Edward. Unbeknown to the young Colonel, he shared a look for Havoc. Something was going to have to be done about the soldier who dared to lay a hand on the young colonel.

***Flashback***

_Breda watched as Aran tackled Edward to the ground and forced him to stay down, but Edward wasn't going down without a fight. He was struggling under Aran to get up. Breda kneeled on the ground, an arm over his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Warrant Officer win the struggle and ended up using his body to guard the young Colonel. _

_The other soldiers that had not left before ignored their Colonel's order to leave. No soldier ever left his commanding officer behind to die. They were much too loyal to their comrades to do something that cowardly. Instead they were all kneeling on the ground, guns in their hands. Some of them were firing at the grenades to get them to blow up before they hit the ground while others grabbed the grenades that landed on the ground and threw them back over the Colonel's wall before they exploded. _

_But not all the grenades were reached in time. The ground around the Amestrian soldiers shook violently as the sky was lit up with bright lights from the explosion. Smoke and dust wafted all around them, causing the soldiers who breathed it in to cough. _

"_Let me go!" Edward growled, but was ignored by Aran, who simply pushed his head further into the ground and bowed his head over Edward's. _

_It was pure chaos as more and more grenades went off. _

_Edward turned his head to the side so he could breathe. As he did that, he cracked his eyes open a bit with difficulty. Aran was forcing him down with such strength that it was hard for him to do anything. But he regretted it the moment he did open his eyes. There, lying a few feet away from him, was an arm with no body. _

"_NO!" Edward shouted with his struggles to get free becoming more and more frantic and powerful. _

"_Colonel," Aran's warm breathe tickled the boy's ear, causing him to stiffen and stop struggling. "Calm down. Not everyone can be saved in war. We all knew there was a chance of us dying in war when we signed up for the military. We were ready for this. You can't save everyone." _

_Instead of replying, Edward turned his head back to the ground and pushed it into the dirt. He knew that. He knew it! But that didn't change the fact that he hated death and didn't want to see people die. They didn't deserve to die because the Drachmans were being stupid and invading. Why couldn't they just listen to him and retreat?_

"_We have to escape now." Breda growled, glancing at Edward's limp body. "Before he goes and does something incredibly reckless again. He tends to act on his emotions if someone doesn't stop him."_

_Aran nodded and pulled the boy to his feet. Edward let himself be pulled to his feet. The moment he was up, he could see all around and blanched a considerable amount. Smoking holes were everywhere and around those holes was so much blood and body parts. His comrades were blown to smithereens. Those…..those…bastards. How dare they do this to his troop?_

_Oh, he wasn't scared of the sight of blood or body parts. He has dealt with a lot since he was eleven. He has been seeing all types of hells for six years. His mind was so used to them by now. What wasn't used to them, though, was his heart. He hated seeing all these things. It just infuriated him. Why did it have to happen? Why couldn't he keep them all alive? Was he really that weak? _

_Breda glanced at Edward's face, and seeing those lifeless eyes, frowned. "Shit." He grumbled before turning to Aran. "Get him out of here now." _

_At this point, it was relatively easy to force his Colonel out of the battlefield. He was completely out of it, only able to stare at his dead comrades in shock, fear, and revulsion. Those Drachmans would pay for this! He would make sure of that!_

***Flashback End***

"Hmm," Edward murmured when Breda finished the story. Why did he ask again? "Havoc, get me a drink."

"Why do I have to?" Havoc grumbled.

"I'm underage. They won't give it to me. Go get it." Edward growled. "And make it something strong."

Breda raised a brow. "Is that a good idea? Word of this could get back to the Fuhrer and then he would have Havoc's and mine's heads for letting you drink."

Shrugging, Edward put his elbow on the table and leaned his chin in his upturned palm. "Better think up a good story to tell him or you could just run away. Though, I don't think that would be a very honorable and brave thing for his rook and knight to do."

"You're mocking us, aren't you?"

Edward raised a brow, but gave a cheeky grin. "Now, does that sound like something I would do?"

"Yes."

"I know, right?" Edward replied cheerfully. "It's so fun and you two make it so easy."

Johan snorted. "He doesn't even try to deny it."

The Colonel blinked. "Why would I? They mock me back or, you know, throw things, like guns for example, at me!"

"You're never going to let that go, are you?" Havoc asked as he returned and set a glass down in front of his Colonel. "I told you already. That was an accident."

"How do you accidentally throw a gun at someone?" Liran asked shocked and confused. "And when?"

Edward shrugged as he chugged half of his drink. He slammed it on the table, watching the liquid left in it splash around the inside of the glass as he murmured, "It was when I was fourteen so three years ago."

"Wasn't it after that mission where you caused a building to cave into the ground?" Breda asked thoughtfully.

"No. That was after this gun throwing accident. The mission he returned from was the one where he blew up a mining cave." Havoc argued, much to the amazement of the soldiers around. Just what kind of destructive alchemy did this boy use?

Scowling, Edward downed the rest of his drink. "You're both wrong. It was during the incident when the terrorist caused that train accident where the train toppled over."

"Oh, yeah! You were returning to East City on that train. It was by your and your brother's skill in alchemy that they weren't that many deaths. Because of the accident, we were out by it, helping people and capturing the terrorists." Havoc said, smiling a little. "Though, we didn't have much to do with that since you had beaten the shit out of most of the terrorists by the time we got there."

"So how exactly did you get a gun thrown at you?" Aran asked, still a bit shocked over all this. How does one cause a building to cave into the ground? Or cause a mining cave to blow up? Especially when that person was a kid!

"Lieutenant Havoc is trigger happy." Edward said as he swiped said blonde's drink and drank some of it before it was snatched back.

"I told you. I didn't mean to throw the damn gun at you. Let it go!"

"You are a trained soldier! How it possible for a trained soldier to just accidentally send his gun flying at someone like that?"

"I'm not perfect! And you were able to dodge it just fine, so what's the problem?"

"What if it went off when it hit the ground and shot me? Huh?!"

"It didn't even hit the ground! I saved your life, you little brat. You could at least be a bit more grateful." Havoc argued, kneading his fists roughly into the boy's head.

While the two argued over the event, the soldiers turned to Breda for the story since they weren't getting anywhere with those two. "When we arrived at the scene, Edward and his little brother were waiting for us. As they were explaining the situation, Havoc noticed that one of the terrorists had been missed because he was charging at Colonel Elric's back with a knife. Havoc reacted by drawing his gun, but he slipped and the gun went flying at the Colonel's head. He dodged it, which enabled him to dodge the guy behind him as well, who was the one who got hit in the head with the gun." Breda explained. "Those two are always like this with helping each other out and then not letting the other forget it.

The soldiers glanced at the still arguing pair and chuckled at their antics. To them, it looked more like the two were brothers with how they were arguing and fooling around.

"What causes a boy to join the military at twelve years old anyway?" Brody asked curiously.

That single question caused Edward to freeze in his sentence and from punching Havoc. His whole back stiffened, but he refused to look at his troop. Why? Why did people have to be curious and ask such things? Why were such foolish mistakes made and were the cause for such problems in life?

"Colonel?" Andean asked worriedly.

"Don't." Edward said, voice barely above a whisper. "Don't ask such things like that. Some things are better left unknown." He abruptly stood up and left the bar without a backwards glance at his shocked troop.

Havoc cleared his throat to fill the awkward silence. "Just, just don't ask him something like that again, okay? His past isn't the easily….it's actually a really horrible past. If he ever tells you about it, it will be when he feels he can fully trust you. Though, will that ever happen?" He looked at Breda. "He never told us. We just happen to find out because we were part of Fuhrer Mustang's team."

Breda agreed with that. Edward wasn't an easy person to get information from. "It's probably a secret he will take to the grave."

**A/N: Please Review!**


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